Perfect Imperfections

I have a friend who is battling a tough battle- anorexia. Through her battle, she’s been brave enough to not only come out and admit her struggle to her loved ones, she’s also found the courage to share her story and her everyday difficulties with the disease for anyone who cares to read it. It’s both inspiring and heart wrenching.

In reading some of her posts, it got me thinking about self-image and our culture’s obsession with “perfection” in the way we look. It made me think about how many of us have things about ourselves we obsess over and wish we could change about our physical appearance; I then began thinking about the things I see as physical “imperfections” about myself.

I don’t think I have a bad body image. I think that at times in my life, I may have, but as I’ve gotten older that’s disappeared. But, I do know that there are things I see in the mirror and think to myself, “that sucks” or “I wish that wasn’t there”. So, I’ve spent some time seeing if I can start looking at those things in a different way- find ways to appreciate them rather than dismiss them as flaws. Here’s a few things I came up with:

-I, like most women, have a few stretch marks. I have a couple on my chest, a couple on my booty and a couple on my hips. I don’t love them, but they are reminders that I am a woman and a woman’s body goes through change and change can be a good thing. Sometimes these little reminders are stuck with us and that’s ok.

-I have a tiny hole in my right nostril and one visible hole above my belly button. I often find myself wishing they’d close up and be invisible, but 8 and 10 years since removing the rings that once filled the holes, they’re still there. I have chosen to one day use these as examples to my children that decisions you make when you’re young can stick with you for a lifetime. These holes will be part of my, "Mama Tool Kit".

-I am naturally very pale. My darkest natural “tan” is most people’s base tan. This, above all things is without a doubt one of my biggest insecurities. Perhaps it was because I was teased as a child about my fair skin or maybe it’s because the media puts a lot of hype around being tan. Or, maybe it’s just that most people do look better with a tan. Either which way, I spent years in tanning beds trying to cover up my natural skin tone- ivory! This past year, I’ve finally begun to embrace it. I still dip into a spray tan from time to time, but I have learned to find ways to love my skin. Hopefully, when I’m a little old lady, this will only benefit me.

-I have a deep scar on the side of my wrist that looks as though I may have attempted to harm myself. I didn’t. The scar is from a puppy I helped raise this past year who scratched me with his 12 week old puppy claws while we were playing. He was the best thing that happened to me in 2012. Even though I may no longer have him, I will always have that scar to remind me of my favorite little buddy.

-I’ve never had a pack of abs. I’ve have/had a flat tummy, but I’ve never had defined muscles in my abdominals. I’ve tried. I’ve tried hard. I’ve slaved away at the gym, crunched my heart out, did more cardio than I can remember and ate healthy (still ate carbs; I refuse to use fad diets). Despite my best efforts, I’ve never had defined ab muscles. And to that I finally say, “SO WHAT?” Sure, they’re sexy, but who cares? Everyone has something sexy about them, abs don’t have to be it. It’s important to develop your abdominal muscles to an extent to support your body, but to obsess over the physical look of them is just plain silly.  I might not ever have them, in fact, I’ve accepted that I likely won’t and I’m totally cool with it. Furthermore, I learned it was time to be thankful for a flat tummy. That in itself is hard work and I'll be lucky if post-kiddos it stays that way. I'm choosing to enjoy it while it's there.

-I have 4 grey baby hairs. I’m approaching 28 in a few months and I have F-O-U-R G-R-E-Y hairs! WTF. WFT. WFT. How? Why? These four little pests are all located in the exact same spot. I can only assume these little strands that accidentally popped out 40 years too soon were put there as a reminder that with age and life experience comes wisdom and Lord knows I’ve gained a dash of wisdom in my life. I’ll assume that’s what those are there to remind me.

These are just a few examples of the things I know I haven’t always loved about myself. But, I’m learning to love them. I’m learning to see their value and learning to embrace them as physical character rather than flaws.

There are some things we can change about our appearance if we choose to. Some things we can enhance medically, some things we can make better health choices towards. Some of these things we should change for our health and some of these things we don’t really need to change at all and might not ever be able to change.

It’s your body, so you get to decide. But, I hope that this post inspires you to take a close look at yourself, completely naked,  especially in the morning when you’re free of any kind of product on your body and find the things you may not love and learn to find something good about each thing. I bet you might just learn to love yourself a little more.

You only get one you and who you are is perfect- we are all perfect imperfections. 

26 Acts of Kindness

I have always believed strongly in random acts of kindness. I think they are hands down one of the best things you can do not just for someone else, but even for yourself. There is really no better way to lift your spirits than to see a smile come from a stranger after doing something nice for them- for no reason at all except to be nice.

While I enjoy giving random acts of kindness whenever possible (truthfully, it’s always possible and I probably don’t do it nearly enough), I feel that they are gestures that should be shared between you and that stranger. It should be done without the need for attention, without the expectation that you will receive anything in return. They should just happen and you should go on keeping that between you, the stranger and whoever the stranger decides to share it with.

However, I am going to share with you my most recent random act of kindness experience- not because I want to gloat about the good, but instead share with you just how much these little things can do for others in hopes that maybe it will inspire you to the same.

After the Sandy Hook Elementary shootings in Newtown, CT occurred, Ann Curry of  The Today Show encouraged people via social media to participate in 26 Acts of Kindness in honor of the 26 fallen victims at Sandy Hook Elementary. The idea was to find a way to highlight goodness in the wake of horrific tragedy and spread good around, especially during the holidays (although, we really should be doing this all the time).

I, much like I assume every single person who reads this post, was shaken by the tragic events in Newtown. A devastating tragedy that I still can’t really wrap my mind around- so I felt instantly inclined to participate in this 26 Acts of Kindness. Perhaps, in some way I saw it as a way to help, even though at the end of the day I wasn’t helping anyone involved in the shooting at all.

I read about 26 Acts of Kindness on a plane ride from SF to Seattle and couldn’t wait to land and get started. I decided that for this, I would keep it, “simple”. So, I went to Starbucks, bought 26 $5 gift cards and happened to find a holiday greeting card set that fittingly had 26 greeting cards in it and handwrote the same note to 26 strangers and inserted the gift card.

I spent the next few days handing them out in various ways. Most of the cards I left on the car windows of people I parked next to, a fair number I handed to the people who checked me out at registers when I was doing my holiday shopping and a few of them went to homeless people I crossed paths with.

I’m not sure why, but every time I physically handed them to strangers, I felt shy about it. As soon as the register transaction was over, I would awkwardly take the card from my purse and say, “This is for you” and walk away. But, even in the split second between handing the card over and walking away- each time the card took the person by complete surprise and every single person smiled. When I handed them to homeless folks, they gave me the biggest smile of all and excitedly said, “Thank you!” without even knowing what was in the card! It was as if they were just happy to receive a card. The thought of some of their smiles makes me well up with tears as I write this- what an awesome thing to witness.

When it came to the cars, I never got to see the faces of the people I left the cards for, except for one woman. I left it on a car in front of me as I went in to get a coffee from a local coffee shop. When I walked out, the woman was in her car reading the card. I tried not to make eye contact, but she immediately jumped out of the car and said, “Are you Ashley!?” I admitted it was me who wrote the card and she burst into tears over the card and the purpose of the card, which in turn caused me to burst into tears. So, there we were- two complete strangers sharing a moment of kindness and expressing our sympathies for what happened in Newtown. It was truly unforgettable.

While I can’t promise I will always be purchasing gift cards to hand out to random strangers every single day, one thing I can promise is that doing this reminded me just how important it really is to treat everyone, even strangers with genuine kindness. It can truly make someone’s day and it can literally change yours for the better.

Whether you, too choose to participate in 26 Acts of Kindness or simply walk away from this and decide to do something nice once- whatever you do for another that is positive really does make a difference. Big, small, material or immaterial- it all matters and it is bound to make someone’s day.

Well… What are you still reading this for? Go do something nice! ☺