I always thought the term “Quarter-Life Crisis” was one that was simply meant for making creative invitations to 25th birthday parties or perhaps one used by young women feeling the need for witty attention. After all, what about being twenty-five could possibly be so earth shattering or mind maddening? Your mid twenties are a time of euphoric living. College for those who embarked on it in the timeframe society says we should, has come and gone, career paths are or should be on their way, it’s still appropriate to enjoy a night out with friends except now you’re able to fund a delicious microbrew rather than the cheap domestic on sale at the local mini mart and you’ve either met the love of your life or you’re enjoying the freedom of dating out in the shelter free real world. For many, and for myself included, your mid-twenties are the most independently fun-living times in your life when you really begin to understand that person deep within you’ve been attempting to define your whole life- so what about twenty-five could really be such a crisis? I really had no idea that was until I turned twenty-five.
As I stepped outside a Seattle neighborhood coffee shop, I closed my eyes and breathed in the distinct aromas coming from the shop I’d just left, the Indian restaurant next door and the Thai restaurant a little further down. As I enjoyed the marriage of the smells mixing together, thinking to myself how much I loved the diversity of Seattle, I allowed the perfect 80 degree July day envelope my body. I could hear a woman with an accent that due to my lack of cultural explorations, I’d hate to say which country it belonged to, but I was fairly certain it was bred somewhere in South America. The accent belonged to that of a young woman, no more than 30 years old, beautiful with her dark hair that had not seen a dollop of hair color, her rich brown eyes, her bright smile and a soul that stared right back at me in the brief moment when we caught eyes. In the five second interaction we had there was not a doubt in my mind that this woman had seen far more of the world than I had and as I walked away, sipping my iced latte in hand, I headed back to work with one main thought in mind, “I’m 25 and I have yet to see the world.”
I grew up loving sports and more specifically, baseball. I loved writing and I loved giving back. Growing up there was not a doubt in my mind that I would be the Katie Couric of baseball and through my success I would start my own non-profit foundation. Well, that dream took a back seat as high school went on and I took a bypass road from sports into the world of teaching. During that time I was given a rare opportunity to pursue a job with sports radio and more specifically with the Seattle baseball broadcast, a job I knew I had to have. It took no time for me to leave the days of classroom discipline and lesson plans in the dust as my dream of working in sports had never really left my heart. I’ll never forget the thoughts that ran through my head, “At 23 years old I’ve dabbled in two amazing jobs, both jobs that I cared about.” “At 23 years old I’m on the career path I’ve always dreamed of.” “At 23 years old, I’m living in the city I love, in the neighborhoods I love and with the people I love.” “At 23 years old, what more could I possibly ask for?”
I couldn’t ask for much more at 23, and even at 24, but as 24 came and went, so did the contentment of the job I was working in. The love of my city and my neighborhood was still strong, but it was also comfortable. It’s really no surprise that an entry level job could find a level of complacency in my mind, even if the job itself was surrounded by something I love, I found myself beginning to grow out of the everyday tasks it brought. I was longing, thirsting, and begging for creativity. I was desperate to make more money, which had yet to come after the economic downfall hit and my overall environment wasn’t showing much signs of change. For some people comfortable is a good thing and complacency is desired, but for me, at least at 25, they were two words I absolutely dreaded.
There was a part of me that felt this sudden spark of, “wander lust” and this desperate need for change although I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a moment of need for selfish desires. After all, I had invested quite a bit of Facebook status updates to profound statements nearly bragging about how happy I was in life, how blessed I felt, how important the power of believing in yourself is, blah, blah, sing, dance, repeat. I kept attempting to go with the motivational talks on the not so motivating days; reminding myself how many people would kill for my job, for my house, for my life! But, still, something inside kept buzzing; something inside kept saying, “You need more. You want more. Go do more.”
I had come up with a number of elaborate ideas for my thoughts on doing more with my life regardless of all I had accomplished between 23 and 24. I’d spent the last year traveling domestically as much as I could, and many would look at my travels as a success given where I went and what I did (all on a very tight budget, mind you). Trips to Hawaii for Halloween, San Francisco to see a best friend, Vegas for New Years, Miami for the Super Bowl, Chicago for the Cubs, San Diego for some fun and anywhere else I could go in-between, I made it happen. I’d found ways to be involved in everything I’m passionate about. I pitched an idea to my work to start a fitness blog which allowed me to be focused on two passions- fitness and writing. I became involved with the community outreach board at my work. I volunteered in a fairly elaborate role with a local charity helping homeless children which allowed me to both help, network and plan events- all things I love. The fitness blog even landed me a potential side job doing personal training with a very new –to-the-market product. To top it all off, my dating life was as strong and fluid as it’s ever been. Usually when I dipped the dating fishing pole into the pond, I came out with duds, but suddenly my line was hot with good looking, successful, and genuinely kind guys- although, just lacking that ever so needed, “spark”. I’m sure as you’re reading this, you’re even saying to yourself, “Ashley, what else on Earth could you possibly want?! You have a great job, you’re involved in things you love, you have a dating life most chicks would kill for, you live in a great city and in a great home, what the hell is your problem!?” My response to you: good question.
I, myself was feeling an enormous amount of guilt and confusion with the thoughts and feelings I was having. Wondering if it was simply because I wasn’t making enough money to comfortably survive (after all, you can really only find a silver living on the pay check to pay check lifestyle for so long), or if it was something more. Was I just a selfish person who didn’t appreciate what I had? I’ve never thought of myself as an overall selfish person, but maybe I was? Or, maybe it was something more. Maybe it was because somewhere between 18 and 25, I began to realize how fascinating life really is out there, and how much of it I had yet to take part in.
At 18 years old, I remember thinking I knew exactly what I was doing with my life. I was convinced that I had myself figured out, was convinced my college choices were all the right ones, my dating choices couldn’t get much better than their mediocre style, and my life was just what it was and I was fine with it. I didn’t really realize I could literally do anything I absolutely set my mind, heart and soul into. Not until I reached my twenties (and yes, I realize that was only a minimum of 2 years later). In fact, it even took a bit of what I called an, “identity crisis” to discover that knowing who you are goes through a number of tests and trials before you really find it and once you do, you’re then faced with every imaginable obstacle out there that will test, test, and test again to see just how well you really figured yourself out. You see, that’s wherein it all begins to lie- as you enter adulthood and you begin to experience the world of independence- whether it’s financially, thoughtfully, emotionally, spiritually, whatever it may be, you begin to learn about all the little intricacies life has to offer.
As all of these thoughts soared through my mind on a daily basis, and on some days, hourly basis, I found myself realizing, my desire for more had nothing to do with being selfish or unappreciative and everything to do with discovering the capacity and potential within myself. You see, at 25, the world, as cliché as it sounds, really can be your oyster. I’ve learned at 25, it’s completely normal to seek change, especially if you go through your first round of major change only to discover all the opportunity that comes with it- it’s pretty hard not to desire more of that opportunity.
So, as I continued on with 25 and thought back to the woman at the coffee shop from time to time, I began having more open discussions with my other 25-something friends who all seemed to be humming the same melody as me, “I need change. I need challenge. I need more to my life.” Suddenly, simply having a job or a career path and a house to live in and a salary to feed ourselves wasn’t enough. Suddenly, we all began to realize our potential and began to discover that our potential was much like a bird with a wingspan larger than the cage we were all locked in; it needed to be set free.
Coming to this realization meant only one thing: time to take that potential to the next level. This is where the crisis becomes less about the crisis itself and more about how to turn the realization into a reality. Knowing this desire for change was all up to me, I set out to find it and was amazed to find just how much the world really can be on your side if you just believe in yourself and what you have to offer and furthermore, what it is you desire. I knew at this point my desire was to work in sports at the next level in my career path and the only places I envisioned that happening was Seattle, San Francisco or San Diego. Little did I know just how quickly that was all going to happen.
One thing you may not know in reading this is that I didn’t just sit down and start writing and get it all done in a day like I do many of my other writings. I began this piece back in July and I’ve slowly chipped away as thoughts arose over the last several months. It is now mid September and after several months of trying to decipher for myself what the quarter-life crisis is really all about and how to overcome it, I’ve finally found a solution for myself.
A few weeks ago, I made plans to visit my best friend in San Francisco. It was that simple- I was just going down to visit a person I adore. After booking my flight, I one day became a little bit curious about sports radio in San Francisco which took me to the internet, which took me to a website, which took me to a career page which right before my eyes was a job description for a job I knew I was qualified for. After a little bit of investigating, I landed myself a job interview, flew down to San Francisco, carried on with my normal plans and went in for an interview that I really didn’t have a major expectation set for. I spent over an hour in that interview and I walked out with a job offer.
Three weeks later, several phone calls later, and a stack of paperwork later, I am now planning to move to San Francisco in a few weeks to take a job in sports in a position that not only doubled my salary, but also takes me to the next level. While I’m sure there will be quite a bit of adjusting that will occur upon arrival, there’s one thing I know for certain: this is exactly the change I was looking for, I just hadn’t quite figured out how to find it.
I knew I needed change. I knew I needed to find something in my life that would validate my potential and cater to my strengths. I knew I needed to explore beyond the comforts of my niche. Granted, there was also a time when I was convinced that needed to happen through dropping everything and traveling the world (which I highly considered if it weren’t for a little thing called: money), but I knew it was time to take a little risk, to take on a little challenge and to do it in a setting that was new and exciting, and for me, that place is San Francisco.
If you’re like me, a 25-something adult who is walking through life gracefully only to hit the wall of, “Why in the world aren’t I satisfied anymore?” Know this, you are NOT alone. I have yet to meet someone around the ages of 25-35 who hasn’t at some point or isn’t going through the same exact thing. At this stage in life, with so much life ahead and a little bit of life behind you, it’s the most natural feeling in the world to have. However, if you do happen to be in a quarter-life crisis situation, then take my advice: Sit down and think about what it is you care about, where it is you want to be and what it is you want to be doing- no matter how crazy, outlandish or unimaginable it seems or feels and no matter how many people question it, figure it out and run with it. The minute you do, you might just find yourself with an incredible opportunity, in an upward moving career path in a city that is completely new to you and you might just love it.
Good luck.
