The End of The 20-Something: Thank Your For Reading

This is my last post on this blog.

When I first began this blog nearly 8 years ago, I started it with the intention of getting more comfortable with writing to an audience. Writing is always something I've enjoyed and always been a skill I've wanted to refine.

I learned early on that I write best when it comes from a personal place and when I feel like I can offer something to others through it. I don't know if I accomplished that here. I hope I did. Even if it was only for one person at any given time, that would be enough.

Additionally, I uncovered that oftentimes this blog was a source of renewal for myself. Sometimes, putting my thoughts down and having the ability to share them, felt cathartic. I appreciate that those of you who took time to read it.

We all know that your 20s are a pretty phenomenal time in your life. Full of learning, self-discovery, life lessons, life experiences and much more. It felt like a real treat to be able to have a space to share some of my personal experiences and in turn process all of that in the form of writing.

Turning 30 is a big deal for most people. There's a significance that comes from it. Sometimes people ask if a certain age feels different. As if the night before when you were "29" is altogether different when you wake up and you're "30". I always told myself it was really just a number. That what mattered most was how you were living your life. I still believe that and I still believe that 30 is damn young (THANK YOU VERY MUCH, TEENAGE SIBLINGS WHO ACCUSE ME OF BEING OLD).

For the first time in my life, I actually did feel like I woke up with a new sense of perspective this birthday. Maybe not right in that moment, but within a few days. I imagine it has less to do with the physicality of a birthday and more to do with the reflection I've been doing. But, nonetheless, it's all centered around this special milestone.

First of all- turning 30 is a privilege. In fact, getting older is a privilege. Unfortunately, I know a number of people in my life who didn't get so lucky. Who's lives were cut short. There was even a brief time in my life when I didn't know if I wanted to see 30. I'm so glad I got over that. So. Damn. Glad.

What an honor to be here. To know what it's like. There are many people who don't see 40 or 50 or 60. Statistically speaking, most of us won't see 100. Every decade you get a chance to celebrate and look back on the growing number of years in your life, is a true honor. Don't forget it.

This 30th birthday, I got to spend it with some of my closest friends and their significant others. It was everything I could have asked for. If there was one thing I really made an effort to do in my life, it was to surround myself with good, kind, solid, smart, loving people. Mission accomplished. Mission never really over.

I spent some time reflecting on what my 20s were all about. What was their significance for me?

If I'm being honest, my childhood and my teenage years weren't very rosy. Like many people, I experienced things I shouldn't have. I was handed a shitty deck of cards on a multitude of levels. I didn't have it as bad as some, but it was my experience and my experience affected me greatly.

For most of us, we spend our adult years sifting through the rubble of our childhoods. It's like this land mine full of triggers and patterns and behaviors that we don't really understand. We just assume it's who we are or how we are. Many people just go on living like that without really taking the time or energy to figure it out. That's a choice and an option, but if you ask me, that's the option that makes life WAY less fun.

My 20s were about figuring that shit out. Getting through it. Uncovering it. Facing all of it's ugly, nastiness head on. Being real with myself. Being honest with myself. Being honest with others. Confronting others. Learning how to navigate my own life and also how to let others into it in the process.

I learned how to process and how to forgive. How to let go and how to set boundaries. I learned that you don't have to be a statistic. I learned you don't have to be a prisoner of your past. I also learned that the work is hard, but it is worth it. My god, it is SO worth it.

I spent the front half of my 20s learning just how much some things had affected me and how they were playing out in my present life. I spent the back half of my 20s letting it all go and living my life in a manner that felt right to me.

Now, at 30, I feel more free of those burdens than ever before. I feel more secure with myself and more sure of what I want, what I deserve and who I want to continue to be.

I realize this is not everyone's experience in their 20s. Not everyone "wakes up" at 30 and comes away with this clarity. But, I'm thankful to say I did.

Maybe this feels like bragging. But, you know what? We should ALL be okay patting ourselves on the back for living a life we're proud of and doing work we are proud of.

Thank you, whoever you are, for reading this blog. Thanks for being a part of this experience with me. Thanks for giving me a platform to express myself and become more comfortable experimenting with and sharing my writing.

I plan to continue to write. I have a different platform I will use in the future.

If I were to leave you with anything, it would be that whatever your burdens or demons or pains are. Whatever you hold on to that hurts or that causes you distress in your life or patters or triggers or whatever you want to call them. I hope that you will be honest with yourself about those. I hope you will love yourself enough to want better for yourself. I hope you will love yourself enough to do the work needed. Once you do, I am so excited for the even more awesome life you will live because of it.

You deserve it. We all do.

It's Really Quite Simple

Spend more time focused on what you want, what you need and what you deserve.

Spend less time on anything that contradicts them.

Love, Your 20-Something Sister

This week is my last week of being a 20-something. Like everyone else who’s been closing in on the last few days of their 20s, I find myself feeling a little extra reflective, in a little bit of denial and also really fucking proud and excited.

Although I’m nearly 30, I’m lucky enough to have a whole bunch of siblings much, much younger than me. I have three brothers ages 25, 13 and 2. I also have two sisters, ages 14 and 5. That’s a lot of humans to love and also a lot of humans to worry about.

I’ve spent some time thinking about the advice I could give them after going through the last decade of my 20s. The thing that resonated with me most, is that your 20s are really all about learning what it is you want and deserve in your life.

These are some of the things I hope they’re able to learn. I didn’t have a super adult sibling to give me any tricks of the trade, but maybe, just maybe this will help all of them as they/when they navigate through their 20s. 

To my siblings who are reading or one day will read this--- these are the things you deserve:

You deserve a job/career that fulfills you. That makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning. You deserve a job that you’re proud to walk into every single day and get shit done for.

You deserve a partner that loves you unconditionally, that makes you feel like the very best version of yourself. You deserve a partner who respects you, cares for you, supports you and always makes you feel special and important, a partner who takes care of your needs as much as he/she takes care of their own.

You deserve to forgive yourself and others. It’s so important. It’s the key to healing your pain and finding authentic happiness.

You deserve to make mistakes. We all do. Mistakes are what teach us to do better the next time around. They shape us. They make us. They help us grow.

You deserve to surround yourself with good friends. Friends are  a pivotal pillar in our lives. They are the family we actually get to choose. Choose them wisely. When you choose the good ones, keep them forever.

You deserve to have a relationship with your family in a manner that serves you well. Everyone has had their own familial experiences. Some people have great ones, some (most) are up and down and some are down right awful. You deserve whatever relationship gives you the right balance of boundaries, safety, love and comfort.

You deserve to treat yourself. Whatever that is for you. It can be as extravagant as a trip around the world, or as simple as a bubble bath and a glass of wine, or a cigar and a beer on your patio. Whatever that is- do it; simply because you deserve it.

You deserve respect, kindness and honesty. Anyone who does not give you that, is not worth your time.

You deserve to love yourself. Don't be afraid to do this. You MUST do this. Loving yourself will give you the ability to love others fully, whole heartedly and healthily. 

You deserve the life you dream of. The life that when you close your eyes and envision, your whole heart swells, your palms sweat a little, and you get a wave of energy that runs through your whole body. Whatever that life looks like for you, go get it. It may take time, it may take a lot of work and effort, but dammit, it is WORTH it.

You are worth it.  You deserve it.

With All My Love, 

Your Almost 30-Something Sister

Love More. Worry Less.

Sounds pretty simple, right? I think it can be.

Over the last month or so, I’ve had my fair share of worries in front of me. Some of them were fair, others I’ve created myself. But, in all cases the worry made me feel stressed and scared and sometimes sick to my stomach. When I’m stressed or scared or feel a sense of uncertainty, I can become my own worst enemy and that is something I certainly don’t want for myself or anyone close to me. 

It was usually the worries that resulted in the risk of losing something important to me that ate at me the most, so I decided it was time to figure out how to conquer them.

You can meditate, you can exercise, you can write in your journal, you can do all kinds of things, and I believe all of those things help, too. But, what helped me the most was love.

When I took the time to focus on love, the worry felt more manageable.

Love can be practiced in a lot of different forms. When I began to worry and felt the worry taking over my ability to get through the day, I paused to love more.

I snuggled with my dog. I did something special for my boyfriend. I called a family member. I sent thank you cards. I checked in on friends. I helped a stranger. I donated my time/funds. I planted some flowers. I looked in the mirror and reminded myself that everything was going to be okay.

It turns out, the more time I spent loving, the better the things I was worried about became. And, simultaneously, in all cases there was someone else on the receiving end getting in a little love in return.

Whatever worries you’re facing today, conquer them with a little extra love.