I’ve typed this intro well over 6 or 7 times now. A couple of times sitting from the comforts of a new home in San Francisco, a few times nestled away in an old familiar coffee shop in Seattle and this time snuggled up in my temporary bed back in San Francisco. The difference between this time and the last 5 or 6 is that I think I’m actually going to finish this one.
Those who know me best (a phrase I use too much), know that for one, I’m not the best at putting thoughts into a few short sentences or paragraphs and two, regardless, each word, sentence and paragraph have a purpose tied to the next, and three although many of my writings are centered on personal experience, my purpose in writing them is to share something deeper. With all of those things said, I think my experience tonight has finally rid me of a little thing those who share their thoughts in words call, “Writers Block”.
I should begin (I mean, I should carry on) by saying I really grappled with what I wanted to share in my next tid-bit of writing. Over the last month I’ve experienced situations and feelings I have yet to fully comprehend which is truthfully something I really wanted to write about and also partially why I couldn’t quite get the words out of my finger tips (something about not yet comprehending a massive overload of experiences and feelings makes for a tough way to write…weird, I know). I thought about writing something about a really neat experience I had with my 10 year old sister, which I still plan to write about, but also hadn’t quite dug deep into the place that makes all of this magical little blog come together and there’s no way I’m going to write about someone as special as my sister without giving it everything I have inside of me.
What brought me to tonight’s post was what some could see as a simple question, but what for me struck a chord that was much deeper and stronger. Tonight I met with and got to know a little more a new friend and in getting to know that new friend we began to discuss a variety of things… business, politics, religion, college experiences, and goals. As we exchanged thoughts, beliefs and desires I began to get that little itch which often asks, “Am I doing everything I want to be doing?” The funny thing about my answer (which happened inside of my head as I both listened and spoke) was, “Yes and No”. Just as these thoughts occurred within, my new friend said to me, “How did you choose a career in sports marketing rather than sports journalism? For someone who loves sports and writing, it seems like a natural fit.” It was at that moment that I literally became speechless which was ironic given a few subjects before we both agreed we rarely find a moment when we find ourselves saying, “I don’t know” when it’s in regards to our own lives. However, for me, at that moment my only response to him was, “I don’t know.”
Truth is, my ego and pride told me that was the best answer, but on the inside I was screaming, “Because I’m afraid I can’t” and, “I don’t know how.” Literally, me, little miss, “All you have to do is believe in yourself” was admitting both fear and self-denial. On the flip side of that, there was another part of me that kept feeling like I wasn’t ready and also that perhaps, while I don’t feel ready, I can’t help but feel that if that’s really what I want to do be doing, then I’m on a far closer track than most people who decide to get a degree in teaching only to decide later it’s not the right path.
I wish I could tell you that this experience tonight brought me to some wild epiphany that results in me becoming the next MLB Network broadcaster (my heart just did flips, no joke at the thought of that), but I can tell you that it’s left me with several thoughts. One of those thoughts includes the fact that, if you’re reading this, whether you’re in high school, fresh out of college, a few years out, just starting your career, or deep into it, it’s never too late (and definitely never too early) to both dream and desire.
I know that where I am today is where I need and truthfully, at this very moment, want to be. However, I also know that there’s a drive deep inside of me that will likely never let-up, that will always want, crave and go after what I feel I’m meant to be doing and what I feel I will enjoy doing most. The beauty in all of this tonight is that I am grateful to be in a situation that allows me to be involved with something I love and know that there’s plenty of opportunity to continue on drawing out my own personal map of life.
Regardless of whether you’re like me, 100% committed to what you’re doing now, or like others, sort of content, but not quite convinced or completely unhappy with where you’re at, just know that it’s always okay to wonder, it’s always okay to want more and most of all it’s ALWAYS okay to want the best situation for you and when you know it feels right and when you know you’re ready… write your next place on your map.
