Pretending To Be Tough

One of my favorite moments in life is when a simple conversation turns into an inspiration to write a blog post. Today’s inspiration started with a simple Gmail Chat between one of my dear friends from college. Our conversation had started that day with our shared wanderlust getting in the way of necessary work activities. Talks of, “Let’s go to Tahoe, let’s go to Stagecoach, let’s go to Coachella, you should start thinking about Vegas for the 4th of July.” Yes, that’s how we work- two girls always thinking about the fun that can be had, even if it’s 9 months away. The other unique thing about my friendship with this person is just how much alike we tend to be when it comes to the deeper parts of who we are.

Somehow talks of going to Stagecoach and Coachella turned into a quote being sent my way which then turned into us talking about a shared music love for Ray Lamontagne. I shared with her one of my recent favorite songs by him and admitted that no matter how many times I listen to it, the song nearly brings me to tears- the flow of the lyrics, the meaning behind each word and the connection I make with each of those meanings. She sarcastically (and trust me, I love me some good sarcasm) said, “You’re such a sap.” To which I simply replied, “I know.” The ironic part about this admittance of inner-typical-chick is that for anyone who’s gotten to know me in past years knows I’ve always played, “tough girl”.

As I continued on in my conversation with my friend, I mentioned to her that I’ve come to the realization that I’ve always been a sap on the inside, I’ve just always pretended to be otherwise. When I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, only to find that the more I pretended, the worse I felt and the longer it took to get over it. When I saw something sweet, cute or heart warming, I would brush it off as if it were too girly to react to, only to find myself feeling guilty over the fact that I agreed. When something touched my heart enough to make me feel emotional, I would hold in every tear that even tried to encroach upon my eyes, only to find later they would stream out in the most unlikely of times. When I met a man I really liked and knew I cared for, instead of showing it and admitting it, I typically became someone I wasn’t in order to protect myself from any potential rejection, only to find that usually left me alone.

My friend then said to me, “I’m a sap too and you’re right, as I get older I begin to wonder why bother pretending to be so tough when we should really be wearing our hearts on our sleeves.” And boom, there came the inspiration for this little number you’re reading.

The reality is, I’ve learned that the more time I spent trying to be tough in situations and circumstances that I felt otherwise, the further away I was from who I am on the inside. Now, don’t get me wrong- I know I’m a strong woman and there are times when being tough is important. I mean, working in sports sponsorships isn’t exactly an industry that is conducive for being overly sensitive (thick skin and the ability to let things roll off your shoulders is more or less a requirement for the job), but that doesn’t mean I can’t accept that I have a place inside of me that is inspired by kindness, happiness, romance, tenderness and compassion and the best part about it is the more I’ve begun to accept that this is a part of who I am, the more confident, proud, and happy I feel.

Look at it this way, if on the outside you find yourself saying something that on the inside you instantly know you don’t agree with, but continue to follow what’s being said and done on the outside, then just remember you’re keeping yourself away from a part of you that you should be learning to love. After all, it’s usually best to love the ones you spend the most time with, and if I’m not mistaken whether we like it or not, we spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year for however many years we live with none other than: ourselves, so you might as well learn to love, you.

The Man Who Stole My Heart

My heart is a place I keep near and dear, a place that only a select few males have ever had access to and even then have really only brushed along the surface. The two men who hold the deepest place in my heart are undoubtedly my younger brothers, but this weekend there was one special man who stole it away.

I had just walked out of seeing my favorite movie genre, which may or may not be a surprise to some, is a romantic comedy. As I said goodbye to my movie partner and headed towards the train I thought about the characters in the movie and the storyline and thought to myself, “Everyone should find that kind of love and romance.” As I waited for the train, a man walked up and at that very moment my heart skipped as if I had seen my biggest crush walk into the room. I couldn’t help but instantly smile, because you see, I had actually seen this man before on a train a few weeks ago. This man has a smile that could literally light a dark sky. His eyes show so much kindness and unconditional happiness. While there are a number of reasons one might hold their look at this man for longer than the average glance, the first time I saw him, I held my glance at the character that illuminated from his face.

When I saw this man for the first time on the train a few weeks prior, my fondest memory was not only his smile but his kindness towards others. I’ll never forget when a woman walked onto the train and had a tough time finding a seat, he moved over and motioned for her to sit in the seat next to him- granted it was crowded, but there was still an open seat. She smiled, and he nodded and gave his big, wide smile. He then proceeded to look at her for a moment, but not in a way that was creepy or disturbing but in a way that showed admiration for she was in fact a pretty girl; and then he turned away and continued to smile.

For whatever reason, I couldn’t help but become immersed in wondering about this man. I wondered where he came from, I wondered if he had family, I wondered what his name was, I wondered if anyone took care of him, I wondered what his childhood was like and I wondered if he’d ever been in love and I as I continued to wonder, the train stopped at his drop off and he was gone.

Seeing this man for the second time at the train station literally took my breath away. Not only was it the first person in the six weeks I had been living in San Francisco that I saw one time and ran into for a second, but for some unexplainable reason, I was just excited that it was him! As he walked to wait for the train, he looked up at me and gave me his ear to ear smile and his token nod that read, “Hello, how are you?” I smiled back and said hello. He shook my hand and pointed to my face and gave me a thumbs up. I responded back with, “Thank you!” His smile became even wider, his eyes even brighter and I asked how he was doing, although I knew he couldn’t respond. He nodded happily. At that moment, I didn’t turn away. Instead I locked eyes with him and for the first time in my life I felt like I had a conversation through eyes and smiles all entirely at this point without words. As the train approached, the man with his shaky hand, took mine and slowly, shakily brought it up to his mouth and gave it a kiss, then another, then another. He then smiled and nodded and we made our way onto the train.

Due to the crowded seats on the train, it was at that point we separated. But, we were still in sight of each other. As I sat there with my heart warm, and tears welling up in my eyes- overwhelmed by what I had just experienced. I continued to watch my new friend as he smiled at those who walked by him. I began to feel protective over those who looked at him strangely and I wondered if I’d ever see him again. Then, as the person next to me left, my new friend got up from his seat, came over to me and pointed to the seat next to me. Would you like to sit here? I asked. He nodded and sat, and once again we met eyes. I told him he had a very nice smile and nodded what I gather was a, “Thank you.” He pointed to my mouth and gave me a thumbs up. He then took his hat off, pointed to my head and made a long hair motion and gave me a thumbs up. I responded again with a, “Thank you”. I asked him if he lived nearby and he nodded and motioned his hand up the hill. As we continued on, the train stopped and he pointed that this was his stop. He shot me his token ear to ear, bright and wide smile, took my hand once again and kissed it one last time. He smiled and limped away, down the stairs and out of the train. Then, just like something out of a movie, he tapped on my window and waved goodbye outside of my window, blew me a kiss and walked off into the dark. This time, tears didn’t just fill my eyes, they poured out of them.

As you can probably gather, my new friend (who I was never able to get the name of) was not your average man who could walk and talk like the average person. Because I’m not a professional in the medical field, I couldn’t tell you what his condition was, but it impaired his ability to speak, caused him to shake quite a bit, impaired his ability to hold things and impaired his walking significantly (perhaps Parkinsins?) But, whatever disease was taking over his body, most certainly had not taken over his spirit. I’ve never in my life felt so connected to one person and had one person steal my heart away so quickly without ever saying a word. I hope everyone can have the chance to meet as fantastic of a person as my new friend and I hope our paths cross again- until then, he’ll have my heart wherever he goes.

The Map of Life

I’ve typed this intro well over 6 or 7 times now. A couple of times sitting from the comforts of a new home in San Francisco, a few times nestled away in an old familiar coffee shop in Seattle and this time snuggled up in my temporary bed back in San Francisco. The difference between this time and the last 5 or 6 is that I think I’m actually going to finish this one.

Those who know me best (a phrase I use too much), know that for one, I’m not the best at putting thoughts into a few short sentences or paragraphs and two, regardless, each word, sentence and paragraph have a purpose tied to the next, and three although many of my writings are centered on personal experience, my purpose in writing them is to share something deeper. With all of those things said, I think my experience tonight has finally rid me of a little thing those who share their thoughts in words call, “Writers Block”.

I should begin (I mean, I should carry on) by saying I really grappled with what I wanted to share in my next tid-bit of writing. Over the last month I’ve experienced situations and feelings I have yet to fully comprehend which is truthfully something I really wanted to write about and also partially why I couldn’t quite get the words out of my finger tips (something about not yet comprehending a massive overload of experiences and feelings makes for a tough way to write…weird, I know). I thought about writing something about a really neat experience I had with my 10 year old sister, which I still plan to write about, but also hadn’t quite dug deep into the place that makes all of this magical little blog come together and there’s no way I’m going to write about someone as special as my sister without giving it everything I have inside of me.

What brought me to tonight’s post was what some could see as a simple question, but what for me struck a chord that was much deeper and stronger. Tonight I met with and got to know a little more a new friend and in getting to know that new friend we began to discuss a variety of things… business, politics, religion, college experiences, and goals. As we exchanged thoughts, beliefs and desires I began to get that little itch which often asks, “Am I doing everything I want to be doing?” The funny thing about my answer (which happened inside of my head as I both listened and spoke) was, “Yes and No”. Just as these thoughts occurred within, my new friend said to me, “How did you choose a career in sports marketing rather than sports journalism? For someone who loves sports and writing, it seems like a natural fit.” It was at that moment that I literally became speechless which was ironic given a few subjects before we both agreed we rarely find a moment when we find ourselves saying, “I don’t know” when it’s in regards to our own lives. However, for me, at that moment my only response to him was, “I don’t know.”

Truth is, my ego and pride told me that was the best answer, but on the inside I was screaming, “Because I’m afraid I can’t” and, “I don’t know how.” Literally, me, little miss, “All you have to do is believe in yourself” was admitting both fear and self-denial. On the flip side of that, there was another part of me that kept feeling like I wasn’t ready and also that perhaps, while I don’t feel ready, I can’t help but feel that if that’s really what I want to do be doing, then I’m on a far closer track than most people who decide to get a degree in teaching only to decide later it’s not the right path.

I wish I could tell you that this experience tonight brought me to some wild epiphany that results in me becoming the next MLB Network broadcaster (my heart just did flips, no joke at the thought of that), but I can tell you that it’s left me with several thoughts. One of those thoughts includes the fact that, if you’re reading this, whether you’re in high school, fresh out of college, a few years out, just starting your career, or deep into it, it’s never too late (and definitely never too early) to both dream and desire.

I know that where I am today is where I need and truthfully, at this very moment, want to be. However, I also know that there’s a drive deep inside of me that will likely never let-up, that will always want, crave and go after what I feel I’m meant to be doing and what I feel I will enjoy doing most. The beauty in all of this tonight is that I am grateful to be in a situation that allows me to be involved with something I love and know that there’s plenty of opportunity to continue on drawing out my own personal map of life.

Regardless of whether you’re like me, 100% committed to what you’re doing now, or like others, sort of content, but not quite convinced or completely unhappy with where you’re at, just know that it’s always okay to wonder, it’s always okay to want more and most of all it’s ALWAYS okay to want the best situation for you and when you know it feels right and when you know you’re ready… write your next place on your map.

The Quarter Life Crisis

I always thought the term “Quarter-Life Crisis” was one that was simply meant for making creative invitations to 25th birthday parties or perhaps one used by young women feeling the need for witty attention. After all, what about being twenty-five could possibly be so earth shattering or mind maddening? Your mid twenties are a time of euphoric living. College for those who embarked on it in the timeframe society says we should, has come and gone, career paths are or should be on their way, it’s still appropriate to enjoy a night out with friends except now you’re able to fund a delicious microbrew rather than the cheap domestic on sale at the local mini mart and you’ve either met the love of your life or you’re enjoying the freedom of dating out in the shelter free real world. For many, and for myself included, your mid-twenties are the most independently fun-living times in your life when you really begin to understand that person deep within you’ve been attempting to define your whole life- so what about twenty-five could really be such a crisis? I really had no idea that was until I turned twenty-five.

As I stepped outside a Seattle neighborhood coffee shop, I closed my eyes and breathed in the distinct aromas coming from the shop I’d just left, the Indian restaurant next door and the Thai restaurant a little further down. As I enjoyed the marriage of the smells mixing together, thinking to myself how much I loved the diversity of Seattle, I allowed the perfect 80 degree July day envelope my body. I could hear a woman with an accent that due to my lack of cultural explorations, I’d hate to say which country it belonged to, but I was fairly certain it was bred somewhere in South America. The accent belonged to that of a young woman, no more than 30 years old, beautiful with her dark hair that had not seen a dollop of hair color, her rich brown eyes, her bright smile and a soul that stared right back at me in the brief moment when we caught eyes. In the five second interaction we had there was not a doubt in my mind that this woman had seen far more of the world than I had and as I walked away, sipping my iced latte in hand, I headed back to work with one main thought in mind, “I’m 25 and I have yet to see the world.”

I grew up loving sports and more specifically, baseball. I loved writing and I loved giving back. Growing up there was not a doubt in my mind that I would be the Katie Couric of baseball and through my success I would start my own non-profit foundation. Well, that dream took a back seat as high school went on and I took a bypass road from sports into the world of teaching. During that time I was given a rare opportunity to pursue a job with sports radio and more specifically with the Seattle baseball broadcast, a job I knew I had to have. It took no time for me to leave the days of classroom discipline and lesson plans in the dust as my dream of working in sports had never really left my heart. I’ll never forget the thoughts that ran through my head, “At 23 years old I’ve dabbled in two amazing jobs, both jobs that I cared about.” “At 23 years old I’m on the career path I’ve always dreamed of.” “At 23 years old, I’m living in the city I love, in the neighborhoods I love and with the people I love.” “At 23 years old, what more could I possibly ask for?”

I couldn’t ask for much more at 23, and even at 24, but as 24 came and went, so did the contentment of the job I was working in. The love of my city and my neighborhood was still strong, but it was also comfortable. It’s really no surprise that an entry level job could find a level of complacency in my mind, even if the job itself was surrounded by something I love, I found myself beginning to grow out of the everyday tasks it brought. I was longing, thirsting, and begging for creativity. I was desperate to make more money, which had yet to come after the economic downfall hit and my overall environment wasn’t showing much signs of change. For some people comfortable is a good thing and complacency is desired, but for me, at least at 25, they were two words I absolutely dreaded.

There was a part of me that felt this sudden spark of, “wander lust” and this desperate need for change although I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a moment of need for selfish desires. After all, I had invested quite a bit of Facebook status updates to profound statements nearly bragging about how happy I was in life, how blessed I felt, how important the power of believing in yourself is, blah, blah, sing, dance, repeat. I kept attempting to go with the motivational talks on the not so motivating days; reminding myself how many people would kill for my job, for my house, for my life! But, still, something inside kept buzzing; something inside kept saying, “You need more. You want more. Go do more.”

I had come up with a number of elaborate ideas for my thoughts on doing more with my life regardless of all I had accomplished between 23 and 24. I’d spent the last year traveling domestically as much as I could, and many would look at my travels as a success given where I went and what I did (all on a very tight budget, mind you). Trips to Hawaii for Halloween, San Francisco to see a best friend, Vegas for New Years, Miami for the Super Bowl, Chicago for the Cubs, San Diego for some fun and anywhere else I could go in-between, I made it happen. I’d found ways to be involved in everything I’m passionate about. I pitched an idea to my work to start a fitness blog which allowed me to be focused on two passions- fitness and writing. I became involved with the community outreach board at my work. I volunteered in a fairly elaborate role with a local charity helping homeless children which allowed me to both help, network and plan events- all things I love. The fitness blog even landed me a potential side job doing personal training with a very new –to-the-market product. To top it all off, my dating life was as strong and fluid as it’s ever been. Usually when I dipped the dating fishing pole into the pond, I came out with duds, but suddenly my line was hot with good looking, successful, and genuinely kind guys- although, just lacking that ever so needed, “spark”. I’m sure as you’re reading this, you’re even saying to yourself, “Ashley, what else on Earth could you possibly want?! You have a great job, you’re involved in things you love, you have a dating life most chicks would kill for, you live in a great city and in a great home, what the hell is your problem!?” My response to you: good question.

I, myself was feeling an enormous amount of guilt and confusion with the thoughts and feelings I was having. Wondering if it was simply because I wasn’t making enough money to comfortably survive (after all, you can really only find a silver living on the pay check to pay check lifestyle for so long), or if it was something more. Was I just a selfish person who didn’t appreciate what I had? I’ve never thought of myself as an overall selfish person, but maybe I was? Or, maybe it was something more. Maybe it was because somewhere between 18 and 25, I began to realize how fascinating life really is out there, and how much of it I had yet to take part in.

At 18 years old, I remember thinking I knew exactly what I was doing with my life. I was convinced that I had myself figured out, was convinced my college choices were all the right ones, my dating choices couldn’t get much better than their mediocre style, and my life was just what it was and I was fine with it. I didn’t really realize I could literally do anything I absolutely set my mind, heart and soul into. Not until I reached my twenties (and yes, I realize that was only a minimum of 2 years later). In fact, it even took a bit of what I called an, “identity crisis” to discover that knowing who you are goes through a number of tests and trials before you really find it and once you do, you’re then faced with every imaginable obstacle out there that will test, test, and test again to see just how well you really figured yourself out. You see, that’s wherein it all begins to lie- as you enter adulthood and you begin to experience the world of independence- whether it’s financially, thoughtfully, emotionally, spiritually, whatever it may be, you begin to learn about all the little intricacies life has to offer.

As all of these thoughts soared through my mind on a daily basis, and on some days, hourly basis, I found myself realizing, my desire for more had nothing to do with being selfish or unappreciative and everything to do with discovering the capacity and potential within myself. You see, at 25, the world, as cliché as it sounds, really can be your oyster. I’ve learned at 25, it’s completely normal to seek change, especially if you go through your first round of major change only to discover all the opportunity that comes with it- it’s pretty hard not to desire more of that opportunity.
So, as I continued on with 25 and thought back to the woman at the coffee shop from time to time, I began having more open discussions with my other 25-something friends who all seemed to be humming the same melody as me, “I need change. I need challenge. I need more to my life.” Suddenly, simply having a job or a career path and a house to live in and a salary to feed ourselves wasn’t enough. Suddenly, we all began to realize our potential and began to discover that our potential was much like a bird with a wingspan larger than the cage we were all locked in; it needed to be set free.

Coming to this realization meant only one thing: time to take that potential to the next level. This is where the crisis becomes less about the crisis itself and more about how to turn the realization into a reality. Knowing this desire for change was all up to me, I set out to find it and was amazed to find just how much the world really can be on your side if you just believe in yourself and what you have to offer and furthermore, what it is you desire. I knew at this point my desire was to work in sports at the next level in my career path and the only places I envisioned that happening was Seattle, San Francisco or San Diego. Little did I know just how quickly that was all going to happen.
One thing you may not know in reading this is that I didn’t just sit down and start writing and get it all done in a day like I do many of my other writings. I began this piece back in July and I’ve slowly chipped away as thoughts arose over the last several months. It is now mid September and after several months of trying to decipher for myself what the quarter-life crisis is really all about and how to overcome it, I’ve finally found a solution for myself.

A few weeks ago, I made plans to visit my best friend in San Francisco. It was that simple- I was just going down to visit a person I adore. After booking my flight, I one day became a little bit curious about sports radio in San Francisco which took me to the internet, which took me to a website, which took me to a career page which right before my eyes was a job description for a job I knew I was qualified for. After a little bit of investigating, I landed myself a job interview, flew down to San Francisco, carried on with my normal plans and went in for an interview that I really didn’t have a major expectation set for. I spent over an hour in that interview and I walked out with a job offer.

Three weeks later, several phone calls later, and a stack of paperwork later, I am now planning to move to San Francisco in a few weeks to take a job in sports in a position that not only doubled my salary, but also takes me to the next level. While I’m sure there will be quite a bit of adjusting that will occur upon arrival, there’s one thing I know for certain: this is exactly the change I was looking for, I just hadn’t quite figured out how to find it.

I knew I needed change. I knew I needed to find something in my life that would validate my potential and cater to my strengths. I knew I needed to explore beyond the comforts of my niche. Granted, there was also a time when I was convinced that needed to happen through dropping everything and traveling the world (which I highly considered if it weren’t for a little thing called: money), but I knew it was time to take a little risk, to take on a little challenge and to do it in a setting that was new and exciting, and for me, that place is San Francisco.

If you’re like me, a 25-something adult who is walking through life gracefully only to hit the wall of, “Why in the world aren’t I satisfied anymore?” Know this, you are NOT alone. I have yet to meet someone around the ages of 25-35 who hasn’t at some point or isn’t going through the same exact thing. At this stage in life, with so much life ahead and a little bit of life behind you, it’s the most natural feeling in the world to have. However, if you do happen to be in a quarter-life crisis situation, then take my advice: Sit down and think about what it is you care about, where it is you want to be and what it is you want to be doing- no matter how crazy, outlandish or unimaginable it seems or feels and no matter how many people question it, figure it out and run with it. The minute you do, you might just find yourself with an incredible opportunity, in an upward moving career path in a city that is completely new to you and you might just love it.

Good luck.

The Lunch Hour

The lunch hour is one of those moments in the day that many desk sitting Nine-to-Fivers take for granted. It's the time in the day that can often be passed by eating microwaveable meals at a desk, or used as nothing more than a quick moment to grab a $5 foot long up the street. But, it's always been my belief that the lunch hour is the most sacred part of the work day. It's the time you take to escape from the reality of whatever it is that's consuming you for eight hours. Whatever takes over your thoughts, your priorities, your dreams, your inspirations. It's the moment to let them all come back to fruit, the moment when you can take a step out of the stress and enjoy whatever it is that fulfills you- even if all that is, is simply Teriyaki in a styrafoam box.

Today, I decided to escape for my lunch hour to none other than my neighborhood. Having already nibbled on my lunch throughout the day at my desk, I decided I wanted nothing more than an ice tea and my latest paperback read. But, as I stood outside the once-local, now-global coffee joint many Seattlites know as the Evil Coffee Empire, I found myself not only enjoying the flow of voice and words from the author I was immersed in, I also found myself curiously and happily distracted by a copious amount of things happening around me. For some, this would be a bother, for me it was both refreshing and intriguing.

My first distraction came from that of a young woman, probably no more than 21, no less than 18 crudely saying while spitting a loogey on the ground, "Where's the fucking Starbucks?" (which happened to be right in front of her face). With her tummy quite obviously hanging out and her pants far too low, I tried so hard to let judgments that came to mind go as quickly as they entered, but I found myself wondering about her. Wondering what her childhood was like. Wondering what her family was like. Wondering what in her life caused her to feel like she had to act so, "tough". It was then that she immediately came out of "The Locally Global Evil Coffee Empire" and said to her friend, "I can't go in there, EVERYONE is looking at me." And at that moment a rush of guilt came over me as I knew I was one of them. She soon disappeared with her friend and I continued on with my reading, still wondering about her- that was of course until a woman sat down in the chair that once cushioned the seat of the girl who spat and I knew this because the first words from the new woman were, "There's spit all over this table!"

I assume the new woman cleaned whatever mess bothered her, because she ended up sitting down with her school of children that were all her daughters. I read away, focused on the dialogue in my book, coming in and out of listening to the woman's daughters beg for a chocolate chip cookie and then found myself distracted by the number of other little girls who passed by with their moms who happened to know these daughters of the woman sitting down. I made the assumption that they went to one of the local schools there in my neighborhood- trying to decide if it was the public school or the private and then being taken back to the good old days of school year summers when your biggest worry was wether or not you could have a chocolate chip cookie. As the table full of daughters and a mom continued on, I continued on reading, until once again I found myself distracted- this time by a homeless man.

This homeless man is a man anyone from my neighborhood would recognize. He spends his days walking up and down the streets, talking to whoever and whatever is around him, head phones in his ears, but always aware of his surroundings. To many he may seem abrasive, but I've never seen him hurt a fly and when he smiles it's big enough to light up a room. Although his deep, sultry voice and sentences that don't always make sense may deem him, "crazy" to many, there's a side of him I witnessed today that warmed my heart. A random pedestrian walked by and threw his cigarette into the garbage can- however, the cigarette was still lit. The homeless man stopped the pedestrian and said, "Sir, sir, your cigarette is still lit! Don't worry, you don't put your hand in there, it's dirty, I'll get it out for you." So, he did. He put his hand in the trash, took out the cigarette that was in fact still partially lit and stepped on it on the ground and threw it away- not asking for a dime. He then pulled out a half full coffee cup which I overheard the mom with the daughters say, "Oh, look, he got a free coffee". But, the homeless man wasn't pulling the coffee out to drink, he pulled it out to pour the contents out into the dirt nearby. I know to some this seems silly, but to your everyday garbage man, this is a random act of kindness. The homeless man went on his way, and as he walked on, then came the most adorable couple I've seen in a long time.

They weren't hard to miss, although they were short and little in stature, the way they looked hand in hand, side by side could take your breath away. A man and a woman no younger than 75, grey haired, with just the perfect amount of age lines- lines that spelled, "Happiness, joy, life and wisdom". They both smiled with pure contentment and I remember my entire heart filling up and thinking, "That's what I want to find one day." As they walked on, the husband pulled his wife in closer towards him and wrapped his arm around her waist and they continued on their merry way. I couldn't help but wonder if they noticed that every person who walked by them smiled as big as I did.

The last of my sightings all left me with just as many thoughts as the others. The woman running to catch her bus- I sat and wondered if she'd make it, and was happy to see she would thanks to a man asking the bus driver to wait for the woman who was a stranger to him. I loved knowing that the simple act of asking someone to wait may have just saved the bus woman from a hellish day. Then, there was the lady in the bagel shop window dressed to the nines as what many from the Northwest would call a, "stereotypical Southern Bell", she had a sun cap and dress on, hair curled with red lips to match her red lined dress and in her lap was a basket with none other than a kitten inside which of course made the table with the daughters squeal with cutness. It was at that moment I thought to myself, "Am I living in some kind of novel?"

At that point, I finally accepted that the distractions around me were preventing me from retaining anything I was reading in my book I loved so much. For many, distractions are annoyances, but for me they filled my hour lunch break with so much curiosity, so much thought, and even a fair bit of optimism that I could care less if it meant I had to go back and read the 20 pages I thought I had taken in, it was well worth every moment. With that said, I think I'll return back to that "Evil Coffee Empire" in my neighborhood again for a lunch break tomorrow.

I Used To

I used to be afraid to fly, now I enjoy the majesticness of being 30,000 feet above the ground, soaring through the clouds.

I used to be a little bit negative about some elements of life, but in the last few years I've found positivity really does create good results.

I used to be caught up in what's happened in the past and what will happen in the future, but instead have learned the most important time is the present.

I used to say I wasn't much of a reader, but recently I finished a 300 page book in less than a day.

I used to say I wasn't a runner, but each day I run a little more.

I used to say I'd never have a chance to work in sports, but 2 years ago I landed my current job in Mariners Radio.

I used to think the only guys I'd date weren't always the nicest guys, but these days the only guys I seem to be meeting are nice guys.

I used to think my writing was only something I enjoy, but I now enjoy sharing it with others.

I used to think I'd never have a good realtionship with certain people in my life, but those relationships are better than they've ever been.

I used to think I'd never get a chance to travel as much as I'd like, but I've spent the last year traveling more than I ever have with plans to do even more in the future.

I used to think religion had all the answers, but I've come to realize that most answers come from within.

I used to care what other people thought, but have found the only thoughts that matter are your own.

I used to say, think and be a lot of things that I don't and I'm not today and tomorrow I may say, think or be a lot of things I didn't and wasn't yesterday. However, one thing I know I will always say, is be kind. One thing I will always think is that positivity is the key to success and one thing I will always be is me.

I am...

I am extroverted, yet introverted with thoughts.
I am selfless, yet selfish with some aspects of my life.
I am patient, yet learning to decrease impatience in certain situations.
I am strong, yet I have moments of weakness.
I am independent, yet I crave dependence at times.
I am romantic, yet I make love jokes.
I am witty, yet I crave serious conversation.
I am carefree, yet I need structure.
I am calm, yet I get excited about many things.
I am confident, yet I have a couple insecurities.
I am brave, yet I am afraid of unfamiliar territory.
I am a dreamer, yet I haven’t made some a reality.
I am introspective, yet I share most thoughts with everyone.
I am intelligent, yet I make mindless mistakes.
I am honest, yet I’ve lied before.
I am learning, yet I like to think I know it all when I know I don’t.
I am kind, yet I’ve hurt others even if it wasn’t intentional.
I am compassionate, yet I’ve lacked it in situations when I shouldn’t have.

I know I am all of these things, because most of us are. Most of us are these things, because we are all human.

Unconditional Happiness

Looks a stranger in the eye and exchanges a genuine smile

Brings warmth through the entire body

Let’s go of every thought of jealousy, spitefulness, fear, remorse, anger and impatience

Lives in the moment as it is happening

Smiles for no reason

Hugs longer and tighter

Goes after dreams and passions

Knows what will be, will be

Says I love you

Forgives… everyone

Wears a positive attitude

Is thankful… for everything

Depends on no one but itself

Unconditional happiness comes from YOU.

Find it. Live it. Love it.

Hawaiian Memories

I remember at 12 years old stepping off the plane, greeted by the encapsulating warm air all around me and fragrant skies blowing with the light scent of plumeria trees- a flower and scent I have taken on as one of my favorites. I remember the sand feeling like no sand I’ve ever stepped foot on- warm, soft, white, and in some areas golden and coarse, but still perfect in it’s own special way. I remember meeting a woman by the name of Maile who helped me string my first lei and later became my pen pal for over a year. I remember by first real experience with the power and strength of the ocean, as an unexpected wave on Waikiki sucked me under and gave me the sand wedgie of a lifetime. I remember salt in my eyes, and the taste on my lips, and I remember hardly caring when turning around to see the purple, pink and golden sunset behind me. I remember crying boarding the plane, crying on the plane and crying when I returned home. In fact, I remember quietly sobbing for a good week after that first trip at 12 years old. I remember- it was the first time I fell in love.

I remember going back, only this time to explore more islands. I hiked a volcano on the Big Island, drove the Road to Hana on Maui, visited the town my mom bought me my first (and last) bird named, Kihei. I remember hikes and waterfalls, beautiful palm trees, long drives around each island, red dirt and countryside unlike any other countryside I’d ever seen. I remember Hawaiian crushes and fantasies of coming back one day with friends and someday a lover.

I remember a trip with friends after high school- a touristy time, but a fun time nonetheless. Dolphin cruises, luaus, Pearl Harbor stories, Hula Pies at Dukes (always a must), and a snorkeling session resulting in a fried back. I remember feeling gracious for spending another time on the islands, but feeling as if my touristy days were behind me, as I wanted to experience everything else magical about the islands.

I remember after college heading back to Oahu to visit a friend who had moved there. I recall living up the Honolulu night life for a night or two, treks to the local hang outs, copious amounts of Long Board Lagers (my favorite brew), and $1.50 hot togs and Poke from Costco. I remember a North Shore hike, tossing the football at Sandy’s, a romantic date with chocolate and vino on the beach with a once Coloradonian turned Hawaii resident. I remember shrimp trucks on the drive back from North Shore and making friends with a wild cat (a common find around the islands). I remember climbing trees, jumping in the ocean after sunset and the perfect stillness that you can find even after a fun time with old and new friends.

I remember coming back to Oahu to visit that same friend, only this time with my best friend in tow. I remember watching them meet for the first time, fall for each other and later fall in love (that friend ahs since moved back to the mainland ). I remember nights on Diamond Head Beach spent with flips and jumps, pictures taken with a beach treasure (a child’s floatation device). I remember island driving again, and stops at random beaches. Climbing rocks in nothing more than a bathing suit and flip flops, jumping in waves, hiking up hills and picturesque views that not only took my breath away, but sent my mind into a thoughtful world of, “I can’t believe such beauty exists and I get to see it”. I recall another trip back to Maui. More random beaches, adorable towns, and searching for heart shaped rocks. I remember having no desire to leave and still wear my first pair of Locals purchased on that trip (I’m wearing them as I write this oddly and unplanned enough).

I remember my most recent trip back to the islands- a whole week spent on Oahu with my roommate and not one single plan except to wake up and see where the wind took us each day. It took us all over the island with days rarely spent in Honolulu or Waikiki (until of course the night). Treks down the LikeLike, H1, and Pali. Days spent in Kailua, Lanikai and Waimea. I recall stopping at any beach that looked ready for us, reading until my eyes burned, listening to the soft sounds of Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, John Mayer and the chill beats of Hawiian Reggae until my iPod lost it’s life. I remember the unbearable amount of joy I felt as I sat on Waikiki the first day we arrived, and hearing my all time favorite Hawaiian band, Ten Feet playing in the distance and having the chance to watch them live that night again another night and later enjoying a night of beers with them (a great group of people). I remember a swim in a waterfall, and a hike through a luscious rainforest. I remember Acai Bowls for breakfast, Spam Musubi for lunch and Kahlua Pork for dinner all washed down with a Long Board or Lava Flow. I remember the surf ready swells of Pipeline and Sunset and watching the boards and souls take on the mighty pipes as surf season came rolling in. I remember solo walks on the beach in the mornings followed by coffee and writing while gazing out at the turquoise Pacific Ocean waters. I remember a Halloween night spent as a Seahawks player and the streets of Waikiki filled like I’d never seen before. I remember making great friends that trip and I remember, yet again, not wanting to leave.
I’ve never met a person who doesn’t enjoy Hawaii, but for me, Hawaii holds a place in my heart that I simply can’t explain. It’s like every ounce of beauty on the island reaches deep into my soul and wraps it’s scents, sounds, colors, aura, hospitality, and kindness all around me- a pretty tough thing not to be in love with and a place I’ll continue to make memories at for a lifetime.

The Power of Friendships and Interconnectedness

Anyone who has met me knows I’m a people person. I love people. I love meeting them, I love listening to them, I love watching them, I love analyzing them. I find people to be quite fascinating, and I love that people can all be so different in so many ways yet also be very much the same in a lot of ways. Making new friends is something I enjoy immensely. Sure, I have my circle of closest, dearest friends whom I love and adore- but anyone who’s kind and light hearted is good in my book. I’ve been lucky enough to make friends in all kinds of places (men and women alike)- through mutual friends, in bars, at the gym, coffee shops, sporting events, through work, on a long walk, on a vacation, in an airplane- shoot, I even consider the local rock sculpturist who some are weary of because he looks, “homeless” to be a friend, or the sweet little old lady at Safeco Field who ushers the section of my favorite seats. Beyond all of my “real world” experiences in making friends, there’s another realm that has brought me the good fortune of making friends as well.

I recently sent out a “Tweet” to four friends. All friends I at one point met on the internet. I included the four of them on the same tweet because I felt that what I had to share was something they’d all appreciate. I didn’t put a lot of thought into including them together at first, until just the other day. You see, I put these four men in the same tweet because I know that all four of them share one common interest: they care about people. They care about humanity. They care about giving back, and it’s not a care they take on because they feel entitled to some kind of reward- they do it because it matters to them. But, I also realized they share another common interest- I met each of them via the internet thanks to meeting the one prior to them. Below I’m going to introduce to you each of these four men, how I know them and then share how they’re all interconnected. Maybe it’ll fascinate you as much as it does me.

Shane Mac: Shane and I met shortly after he had moved to Seattle from Illinois and was on the hunt to meet people in the area. After talking with Shane online a bit, I was open to meeting in person. That was a year in a half ago and Shane and I continue to be friends. Shane is one of the kindest hearted people I know and also one of the most successful, driven 23 year old men I’ve ever met. At 23, he’s moved across the country, established himself as a musician, networked himself better than anyone I know, been promoted from a project manager at a local advertising company to the Director of Marketing for a startup company. Shane will do anything for anyone. Giving back is something Shane does without thinking twice. Whether it be his recent venture in raising money for Charity Water through live shows or online fundraising, etc. In the year in a half I’ve known him, he’s written a book which is now being looked at by a publishing company, connected with 50 professionals (all through the internet/Twitter) from around the country in writing an online E-Book that reaches out to college students and anyone else in the job search and he’s even taking his success to colleges across the country giving speeches. He’s the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back, and his pants on his legs and even his boxers if you needed them. In fact, just the other night at a concert, a woman next to us fell and he was there to help her up even before her husband. Needless to say, becoming friends with someone like Shane has been a blessing and if you ever have the chance to meet him, you’ll understand.

Brett Byrd: When I first met Brett, it was a simple, “Hey Ashley, meet Brett, hey Brett, meet Ashley” on Twitter. Brett is the CEO and Founder of a non-profit called, “Give Your Sole” which donates gently worn athletic shoes to those in need. Like many founders of non-profits in the beginning, Brett has a day to day job as an account executive, but he didn’t let the 40+ hour work week get in the way of his desire to give back towards something he’s passionate about. Brett and I have begun working together on an upcoming donation drive up here in Seattle at the Rock and Roll Marathon in June and will hopefully have the chance to do more events in the future. Brett is a father, a husband, a professional, a founder, a social networker and a damn good guy. I had the chance to meet Brett a few weeks ago in person when he came up to Seattle. Let’s put it this way- he’s as nice as he sounds on paper. Nothing inspires me more than people like Brett who sincerely care about making the world a better place and in his case, one sole at a time.

Ryan Hodgson: If someone had told me that today I’d be working on some level with Ryan all thanks to a simple question on Twitter of, “Does StandUp For Kids have a Seattle chapter?” I wouldn’t have guessed. Ah, who am I kidding? At this point in my life, I shouldn’t be that surprised. Ryan is also a CEO and Founder of a non-profit called, “Team Up For Non-Profits” which organizes music events and gives all proceeds collected back to a non-profit. What a brilliant idea- music and philanthropy in a city that is driven by both. Ryan hailing out of Australia isn’t too new to the world of making friends via the internet. In fact, if it weren’t for the internet and social networking sites, he wouldn’t have met his Seattle native wife and moved across the world to live here in Seattle with her. Working in philanthropy isn’t something new to Ryan as he was engrossed in it back in Oz as well. Just another example of a good guy making a difference in the world. Like the men before him and the man after him, he too works tirelessly both at making a good cause a successful one as well as the every day task of keeping up with the Jones’. He’s a humble man and a no BS kind of man, but still a man with a heart.

Kiptyn Locke: I originally, “met” Kiptyn after soliciting him to take part in my health and fitness blog for MyNorthwest.com. I really never imagined that a simple request for a feature would evolve into some level of a friendship. Now, granted I haven’t actually met him face to face like I have the other three, and some people may find it odd to consider someone you haven’t “met” in person a friend, but the only thing I find odd is that people would find that odd. From what I’ve come to know of Kiptyn in the last several months, I must say I don’t think you’ll find a more genuinely humble human being who sincerely cares about giving back to others. Success is a common theme among all of these men and continues on in Kiptyn’s case. A jack of all trades kind of person with a knack for philanthropy, a way with words, and a favorable sense of humor; as far as I can tell, he’s a 10 on the good guy scale. I reach out to people all the time to take part in my fitness blog, and I’ve been lucky to have most people agree, but I never would’ve thought that in doing so I’d meet someone who shared a passion for philanthropy on the level that I do. In fact, thanks to Kiptyn, I’ve become involved in a charity here in Seattle that he works closely with in the San Diego area- just the kind of organization I was looking to work with. Who would’ve thought? Some people may know of Kiptyn through an experience he went through last year, but if I’ve learned one thing about him, that experience is probably nothing more than a page in his chapter book of life- not a definition of who he is. I could be wrong, but I bet I’m not.

So, if you’re reading this, you’ve learned that I met four men, all through the internet and all men I consider to be friends. But, what’s the real point in all of this? Well, let me share with you the interconnectedness of all of this: I met Shane on my own. Shane was the one who introduced Brett and me via Twitter. I then met Kiptyn right around the same time as Brett. Kiptyn was the one who introduced me to StandUp For Kids (the nonprofit I mentioned I began working with). After tweeting about StandUp For Kids one day, I received the reply mentioned above from Ryan which transpired into me asking Ryan more about his organization. I then connected Brett and Shane with Ryan and a few weeks ago, the four of us actually met and got together. So, if I hadn’t met Shane, I wouldn’t have met Brett. If I hadn’t have met Kiptyn and become involved with StandUp For Kids, I wouldn’t have tweeted about it and in turn met Ryan and Ryan and Brett and Shane wouldn’t have met each other. And if I hadn’t met any of these guys, I wouldn’t be doing some of the work I am today and furthermore wouldn’t have not only developed the friendships I have with them but also wouldn’t have the inspiration that they have given me on one level or another in knowing them.

The power of the internet is a magical thing, and so is the power of friendship. I look forward to making friendships like these for as long as I live.

Know Who You Are. Be Who You Are.

Dr. Seuss once said, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Those words are words that have always stuck with me in my life. Granted, there's bound to be people who are an everyday part of our lives who may not care for who we are, what we feel or what matters to us, but at some point we can at least learn to coexist, right?

The other day I was waiting in the lobby of a retail store. While I was there I was listening to a few women talk about a designer purse that one of the women was holding. There were talks about boyfriends and fiances buying them their purses, asking the ladies if they wanted another purse for Christmas, sharing which year the purse came out, blah, blah, blah. I remember at that moment thinking, "Gosh, I can't remember the last time I bought a purse." I then began thinking about the fact that I too owned a designer purse- a purse I purchased 5 years ago that I'd probably never spend that money on today.

The conversation then led to discussions about custom designed engagement rings- yet another commonality these women shared. They discussed the pressure they felt in choosing the perfect ring, the fact that they needed to pick out just the right one that they'd want to wear for at least 15 years (not because divorce was on the brain, but just in case it was time to step up to a new and improved ring by then). I listened quite intently on these women as they chattered away about custom engagement rings until I found myself getting lost in thoughts about what I would want. Sure, if someone tells you they want you to design your own ring, that's one thing, but I began to wonder what ever happened to just being thankful for what you're given by the person you love, and whatever happened to what the ring really stands for?

As I listened to these two conversations, which only took place over the course of about 10 minutes, I had a few quick thoughtful moments where I wondered if a designer purse and a custom made engagement ring were things that mattered to me. In fact, I even questioned why I didn't care. I ACTUALLY found myself saying as I sat back in my baseball sweatshirt and flip flops, "I wonder if this makes me less of a lady for not caring?"

That's when I stopped my thoughts and even stopped my eavesdropping. I realized that who I am doesn't revolve around designer this and custom that. Do I own things with labels? Yep. Do I sometimes prefer one label over the other? Sometimes. Do I care enough to talk about labels and designer this and what's the hottest label everyone else is wearing? No, not really. Does it make me less of a lady? Hell no. Would I want a custom engagement ring? If there was meaning behind it, sure. Would I ever in a million years expect it? Definitely not. Would I stress over it if I had it? I'm pretty sure there's far more worries in the world.

You see, I may have been the girl in that lobby who was wearing her sweats, donning my favorite sport on the front of my sweatshirt, clutching onto a Guess wallet from a few years ago that I haven't replaced because, well, I like it and it doesn't look warn. And, I may have already taken my makeup off for the day and I may have been sporting the two rings that never leave my fingers, are small and simple, but hold deep meaning- but, I realized that just because my thoughts weren't similar to that of the three women in the lobby it didn't make me less of a lady or less of a person- it made me who I am, and that's someone that matters to me.

Facing Inspiration

We all have things in our lives that inspire us, mold us, shape us and help us strive to be the best that we can be. Sometimes these people impact us for a moment or for a lifetime. Sometimes we notice their inspiration early on and it resonates with us continuously throughout our lives, and other times it's fleeting, but still impactful.

I wouldn't consider myself to be someone who's tough to inspire- shoot, do a good deed and I'm insta-spired. I've been known to be moved by everything from a touching story on Oprah, a speaker at a luncheon, a random act of kindness on the street, a smile from a homeless person on a corner... you name it, they've all brought a smile to my face and in some cases a tear to my eye.

However, there's one person who has inspired me on a whole different kind of a level, a very personal level. That person is writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the book Eat, Pray, Love. I'll never forget how entangled and entrenched I became with the book from the moment I picked it up. I'm usually a night time reader, but I found myself searching for times to get away to read the book throughout the day. It was one of those reads that left me laughing out loud, crying out loud, and thinking (sometimes out loud), "That's what I want to do!" or, "That's how I feel!"

The other element to Gilbert's book that touched me was something far beyond the meaning behind the stories she shared, it was more about the way in which she shared them. Gilbert's writing style was (and is) something I felt instantly connected to. Gilbert writes in a very humanistic manner and in a very real manner. Sometimes you read books and while you're impressed by the writing style and techniques, they sometimes lack personality and character. Gilbert gives personality and character like any other other author I've read (granted I'm not as well versed in my reading as some readers, but this is my opinion and I'm entitled to it, right?). As I was reading away, admiring Gilbert's talent, I began to realize that part of the reason I felt so connected to her style was because she wrties in a way that felt very familiar to me. She writes like I do.

Sure, I can take the time to come up with imagery and creative ideas, but my best writing is always the writing that comes straight from the heart. I will admit that making words and thoughts flow is something that has come easier to me than it does for others (don't worry, I can't sing a chord to save my life, my talents are all balanced out), and I'll also admit I still have work to do, but when I read Gilbert's book, I realized that it was time to take on the one talent I knew I'd been keeping under wraps since my days in high school.

Not only did Gilbert's book inspire me on a deeper, inner-personal level, as I was reading it at a time when I was searching for some inspiration beyond writing, but it inspired me to go after something I hadn't really even been considering getting back into. After reading her book, I began to toy with the idea of writing again. So I started jotting some things down in a word document. I then began posting them to my Facebook to discover that there were some people who actually enjoyed my posts! As my confidence began to rise in my writing, I decided to take it a step further and began writing a health and fitness blog at work, and luckily my coworkers believed in me enough to do it. That's when the idea to create "Life Thru Blue Eyes" came to surface. You see, someday I'd love to write a book of my own. And, after reading Gilbert's excerpt on her website about advice for writers, there was one thing I really took from it all, "I was a writer with low expectations and high patience". That's how I'm choosing to look at this writing journey. My only expectation is that one day my words and thoughts make it to paperback, and if that happens tomorrow great and if it happens in 60 years, fine, but I'm living by the thought that one day- it will happen.

Yesterday, at the YWCA luncheon here in Seattle (Bellevue) I was lucky enough to briefly meet Elizabeth and quickly share with her that she was a writing inspiration to me. I've never been one to feel a deep need to "meet" someone in the public spotlight. If it happens, it happens, and in my life it has here and there, but this was a moment that was different for me. To be able to shake the hand of someone who has truly inspired you, and even get an unasked for hug from it and then later listen to that person speak, and bring about further inspiration through their speech is a really great feeling. And, that meeting will forever hold a spot near and dear to my writer's heart.

Random Acts of Kindness Should Happen More Often

I've always been a firm believer in Karma, paying it forward, and doing good towards others- even perfect strangers and with that I've always been touched anytime I witness others engaging in good deeds.

On a personal level, I try my best to be someone who does nice things for people I don't know, people who haven't always been kind towards me, and of course those who have gone out of their way to do both nice things for me and nice things for others. I may not be perfect at it, but I try. I think there's very few things in life that make you feel as wonderful as doing good for others does, which leads me to a recent Random Act of Kindness I experienced while simply getting a cup of Joe.

The other day I walked into my local coffee shop near my house. It was just another trip to fix my craving/need for caffeine- I did my usual scan of the shop to see what everyone was up to (reading and laptop immersion), then took a look at the menu on the wall as if I was really contemplating changing my everyday Non-Fat, Vanilla Latte. I noticed the two people in front of me happened to have ordered the exact same drink (some sort of frozen, green concoction), and I also noticed they didn't know one another. I thought about the randomness and neatness of two strangers ordering such an odd drink and then proceeded to order mine. The man in front of me quietly whispered to the Barista that he would cover the woman's drink. This of course leaving me with rushing feelings of happiness.

The woman was shocked and grateful, almost speechless. I suppose it's not TOO out of the ordinary, but I did think it was a neat gesture, especially since it didn't follow up with any kind of cheesy pick-up line or, "I want to get to know you's". As I ordered my drink, the woman proceeded to stand at the front of the line; assuming she just needed something, I thought nothing of it. That was until she informed the barista that she'd be paying for my drink. Immediately, I was flabbergasted. As she smiled from ear to ear in happiness over what the man in line had done for her, her smile had become contagious. Now, I was smilinig from ear to ear, the barista was smiling from ear to ear, the man who purchased her drink was smiling from ear to ear. The positive energy could literally be felt throughout the entire coffee shop and as I looked around, everyone in the coffee shop was looking up and smiling.

Unfortunately, there was no one behind me to pay for to keep the paying it forward at that moment going, and while one day soon I will make sure I do, I left the coffee shop that day filled with happiness and gratefulness brought on by two perfect strangers simply providing a random act of kindness. Could you imagine if every person did just one random act of kindness a day? Talk about being a better place....

Valentines Day

Oh Valentines Day, the token Hallmark holiday that leaves women either beaming from cheek to cheek or frowning to their toes, men secretly grumbling to themselves about the fact that they have to fork out extra dough for a dozen roses because the cost of them sky rocket this time of year, and everyone in between saying, "What's the big deal anyways?"

I'm going to be honest, in the past during my single days I was one of the many "Valentines Day Haters" out there. I used to make typical single-jaded-girl comments such as, "It's a made up holiday". "It's just an excuse for retailers to exploit people". "Great, another reminder that I haven't fallen madly in love with someone in a while." Yes, I was "THAT GIRL" in the past, but this year was different.

Not a whole lot has changed on my relationship front, I'm still single and this time around there's not one single love interest in my life. However, I've learned that love isn't something to be jealous of, jaded by, or afraid of. Love is one of those things that is special, sacred, indescribable, a bit scary and one of the most wonderful things you can give to another person. Love isn't easy to find and it's hard to really understand and if you ask me, something that mysterious and fabulous is something to be celebrated.

Love is also one of those things that can be experienced on so many different levels- family, friends, lovers... even things if that's what you're into. I've decided that a day like Valentines day is not a day to moan and groan about, it really is a day that should be celebrated and appreciated. Why not celebrate that feeling you get when you're with your friends and family? Or the feeling between two souls who have a connection deeper than anyone else can really understand?

I know it's easy to get the grumpies around this time of year if there's not a significant other in your life, but I wish for once the singles would realize that a day like Valentines Day is a day to celebrate all the love in your heart that you have for those around you and are saving for that one special someone, someday.

Love isn't a disease so don't treat it's special day like one!

Droplets From The Eyes

As a child they rolled down my cheeks as freely as the waterfalls off the side of mountain roads. They’re symbol often meaning, something didn’t happen as I’d hoped.

They followed me throughout my life, from deaths of grandparents, family weddings, to normal childhood strife.

Each one as salty as the last, and temperature that changed ever so fast- warm on the cheek, cold on the fall all the way down to the knee.

But, somewhere through the course of time, these droplets seemed like a personal crime, showing weakness and vulnerability in my mind.

I learned to hold back the drops of emotion, telling myself there’s no place for this river, flood or ocean.

I held them in, through thick and thin, told myself, don’t let them win.

Until one day I made the discovery, that tears are necessary, and not so ugly and to hold them back is not above me.

For tears are made to release the rain of happiness, sorrow and even pain.

So, don’t be afraid to let out your cries, for there’s a reason those droplets come from the eyes.

When Tragedy Strikes

In the wake of the devastation going on in Haiti after their tremendous earthquake that struck last week, and the flow of aftershocks still taunting them, I can’t help but feel compelled to write about something that always leave me a bit curious about, well humanity.

First and foremost, I want to be clear that I undoubtedly agree that we all need to join together during times like these to help our fellow citizens of the world in aiding in whatever way possible, whether that be in a monetary structure, a physical structure or a spiritual structure. One small country can’t do it alone, and with the devastation like they’re facing, they need all the help they can get. But, there are two things that always seem to strike a chord with me when tragedies such as this one in Haiti, the Tsunami is Thailand, the Hurricane in New Orleans, the attack of the Trade Centers, etc, etc occur: 1.) Why in times like these do people feel the need to capitalize on tragic events? And 2.) Why can’t we be like this all the time?

Let’s start with tragic events and the evil monsters in the world who see it as a way to enhance their bank account numbers while toying with people’s vulnerable emotions during sad times. I know it takes all people to make the world go ‘round- even no good doers. But, this is really something I’ll never understand. What really got me going on all of this thought was finding out that a recent campaign geared at American Airlines, stating they’d fly people wanting to help in the Haiti disaster down there to do their part in taking care of those who need it most. Shortly thereafter, we all learned it was a hoax. Granted, I don’t think there was money lost or given in this hoax, but I know it doesn’t stop there. When tragedy strikes, people are always more willing to open up not only their hearts, but their wallets, which in turn creates vulnerability to scams, but that’s what drives me wild- WHY!? Where are the hearts of these people? Sometimes I wish I could just peek inside the mind of someone like this to get a feel for what’s really going on up there, because it just doesn’t make sense to me. Then again, I’m also a firm believer in Karma.

Now, let’s take a look at my other point in this writing- why can’t the world come together as one all the time? I’m sure there have been studies on longevity of open hearts and togetherness and patriotism and how long it lasts after a tragedy strikes. But, it’s something that, while I think it’s fabulous people are at least willing to reach out a helping hand, I wish could be something that sticks in the mind and hearts of others for an infinite amount of time.

I don’t think you ever really forget how you felt on 9/11, or when you saw the devastation in Thailand or New Orleans or when fires ruined entire towns, or when innocent people’s lives are taken and families are left with nothing more than memories and sorrow- you never really FORGET what happened or how it made you feel, yet you do forget the need to reach out and help. That desire to put aside your differences, and hold hands with a stranger, or give money to someone who isn’t connected to you in any way, or send a smile towards someone you aren’t getting along with. Somehow, time passes, and the usual ways of benefiting yourself and your needs always come back into play.

I know it’s life, and whether it’s unfortunate or not, it’s human nature. I just wish there was a way to make human nature a little more bonded on a constant basis without the need for tragic events to make it happen.

A Seattle Girl...

A few things, I decided makes one an official Seattle Girl...

•Owns at least one North Face.

•May feel that Starbucks is really just an evil empire, but still feels a little bit at home whenever she sees one in any other state.

•Has never really understood the grunge thing unless she spent her teens and twenties in the early 90’s and even then, she’s over it.

•Knows flannel is best on sheets.

•Accepts the fact that dating in this city is one big insestual pool. Chances are the man you’re sitting at dinner with has either, been on a date with, slept with, hooked up with, made out with, dated or will do one of the above with someone you know- get over it.

•Hits the tanning bed at least once a year, 9 months without sun is unreasonable.

•Has a vast appreciation for mountains and oceans, lakes, river and streams.

•Knows how to drive on and off of a ferry boat, and the tricks of the trade for keeping busy in ferry lines.

•Is 90% likely to have flown on Alaska Airlines.

•Has some kind of allegiance to either the Huskies or the Cougars, even if she never once attended, or even applied to either school.

•Knows Seattle is better than Portland.

•Calls it Pop not Soda.

•Went to Vancouver, BC for her 19th and/or 20th Birthday.

•Knows what the terms, “My Oh My, 12th Man, and RIP Sonics” all mean.

•Can throw on a dress for a night in Bell Town or jeans, jeans and a t-shirt for a night in Ballard, or something inbetween for a night in Queen Anne or Fremont.

•Thursday nights at Pesos… no matter how many times you’ve sworn it’s douchieness off.

•Avoids the Mercer Mess at all costs.

•Goes to Greenlake for a dog fix and a people watching extravaganza.

•Speaks in cardinal directions, because West means water, East means mountains, and North and South are easily determined so long as you know your compass directions.

•Knows at least one to five people from a Catholic school between Everett and Tacoma and if she went to Catholic school, then by the end of college she knows at least one person from every single Catholic school from Everett to Tacoma.

•Doubles the tax to figure out the appropriate tip.

•Buys her sunglasses at Nordstrom Brass Plum, because chances are they’ve been lost between the months of November and March, and $10 for a cute pair of shades is the best deal in town.

•Avoids Pike Place Market on any sunny day, or any day of the summer unless there’s a friend visiting for the first time.

•Cascades, Olympics, The Sound, The Islands, The Peninsula, The Passes, East of the Mountains can all easily be identified without having to look at a map.

•Knows what it means when one says, “The Mountain is out today”.

•Is okay with wearing shorts on the first 65 degree day in March.

•Probably got her first sunburn of the year on the first 80 degree day in less than 30 minutes.

•Has family all over the state, or at least the Western half.

•Calls it’s I-5, not “THE 5”.

•Can camp, fish, hike, boat and still look good while doing it.

•Escapes to Hawaii, Mexico, Vegas or San Diego for a “quick” sun fix come late winter.

•Learns to appreciate the rain from time to time.

•May not have been to Havasu or MTV Spring Break, but has done Seafair and never felt like she was missing out on anything.

•Loves a good micro brew

•Wakes up first thing in the morning after the news has claimed snow showers over night and is excited by even an inch on the ground… and will more than likely be staying home because of it.

•Was born here, raised here, and even if she moves away for a while, will more than likely die here.

Eyes of Cancer

I should be sleeping, but I can’t. You see, as I snuggled into my bed, turned myself over, scrunched myself into the fetal and shut my eyes, an image from today was the first thing I saw. That image then brought on feelings and thoughts from earlier in the day. Feelings and thoughts that stayed with me for about an hour or so, and then wandered into the oblivion as requests and tasks took on the rest of my thinking power. The image I saw was from a moment that lasted no more than 15 seconds, but I have no doubt will stick with me far long than that.

As I was driving on my lunch break from my work to my house, I drove past the Fred Hutch Cancer Research Center. There are some days I drive past the center, thinking about all the intelligent souls in there working away at putting an end to this God awful illness, but most days I’m just focused on how long it will take everyone making a right turn into the parking lot so I can be on my way to work. A blue minivan pulled out just before me and again I thought nothing of it. As I came along side the van, in the corner of my eye I saw a little boy with his chin to his hand, gazing out the window. I took a quick look and noticed that his head was bald, his eyes were heavy with dark circles and his skin was very fair. It was within milliseconds that it registered: this little boy is battling cancer.

In the quick moment it took for me to look over and make the sudden observation, the boy locked eyes on me and in that moment I felt like I could see all the way down to the core of his soul. I could see the sadness in his face, the fear, the lonliness. I know it seems strange to say you can see so much in such a quick amount of time, but it was almost impossible not to. I quickly turned away and back at the road, and as his car moved forward continued to look, as he kept his gaze to the ground outside. That’s when the flood of thoughts came rushing.

I couldn’t help but wonder if he had just come from the Hutch with bad news, or perhaps he’d just left the Hutch School and didn’t have a good day, just like any other kid who sometimes doesn’t have a good day at school. I wondered what kind of cancer he had, wondered how old he was when he found out, wondered what his name was, where he was from (although the minivan had an Everett frame around the plate). I began to felt a sense of comfort knowing that if they were in fact from up North, they were lucky to be near the Hutch given his circumstances.

I then began to think about what he must be going through. I couldn’t help but feel angry all of the sudden, and in fact, that’s the feeling I had when I shut my eyes and the image came to mind- anger. It just seems to wrong that something beyond the control of anyone, yet a child for that matter can consume a person. It just pisses me off that this boy, who already had to deal with the ins and outs of being a child, yet still have that freedom and energy that comes with it, had them both ripped away to chemo and cancer research centers (although they are wonderful and do great things).

I started to think about how many people in the world and even in my life alone cancer affects or has affected, but something kept bringing me back to that little boy and that look in his eye, the expression on his face and the placement of his hands on his chin. I wish I had smiled at that little boy. I wish instead of pretending like I didn’t look over at him, for fear he’d think I was staring at him because he was bald, I had smiled and maybe for at least that moment, it could’ve brought a smile to his face.

So, whoever that little boy is, and wherever he is tonight- he’s got a chick in Queen Anne smiling for him.

Oh Ego, Where Art Thou?

Everyone has them. Some are big, some are small, some are situational and some are present in every interaction with every human being or act. Some make us laugh, some make us cry, some make us crazy and some are just plain obscene. Some of us depend on them to get by, some of us can’t quite figure out where they came from. Some of us can learn to let go of them, even if for a moment and some of us wouldn’t know who we are without them- it’s the one part of personalities that think directly affects why people portray themselves the way they do, it’s none other than: the ego.

The ego is one of those things I’ve really taken some time to think about in the last few years. Perhaps it’s been my on again off again love affair with yoga and being told time and time again to let go of the ego and just move, bend, flex, hold and breathe that brought me to the understanding. Maybe it was taking time to observe people in certain situations, whether it be in a bar, at a coffee shop, walking around town, shopping, airports, work- you name it. Realistically it was probably a combination of those and probably an analysis of my own ego that brought it all to light.

Egos really are a funny thing. They’re like our own personal wall created to block out anything that might make us feel discomfort, while in turn egos, in my opinion really only add to the discomfort everyday life can bring. Sometimes I think perhaps there’s a link between egos and testosterone levels as it seems that it’s often the ones with higher levels come with bigger egos- almost like the more emotionally in touch you are with yourself and others, the less you’re ego gets in the way. I’m not a scientist or biologist or doctor, or psychologist for that matter, so I don’t really know. But, It sure seems like there’s a connection.

The funny thing about egos is where the line is drawn between confidence and egotistic behavior. Where is that balance when the ego is a bit over confident? Sure, confidence is sexy, and it’s important that we all learn to be confident with who we are, but sometimes I think one mask people make in their lack of self-confidence or their insecurities is through overbearing egos. You know what I’m talking about- the kind of person who walks around thinking they’re above others, only interacts with those they feel are “worthy” of their interaction or to their “level”. Those who bring others down as if they are any better that that person. The people do kind things for others, only for the benefit they receive.

But, there’s another side to egos that always strike me. There’s the ego I believe comes from hiding insecurities and there’s the ego that comes from success- both of which are always a turn off for me when meeting people. There’s also nothing worse than those who know they are fortunate, flaunt it and throw themselves so high up on their pedestal that at the end of the day they probably don’t even know who they really are deep down inside.

I personally know when my ego comes out to play, because it often becomes the time when I forget to absorb what’s going on in the lives of the people around me or close to me. The moments when I feel myself caring what others think, whether it be about my work, my writing, what I’m wearing, how I look. Sure, parts of this are all normal, but I like that I can actually pin point when it’s present.

If there’s one thing I wish I could see more of in the world it’s seeing people take a step back from their inner world, seeing what that ego is for them, giving some thought to how big it is and when it does arise and learning to just let it go. Then again, sometimes I wonder if that would make life and interacting with others just too easy for some- and as we all know, some people just can't handle things being easy.

Men vs. Women and Vice Versa

I think many would agree with me that one of the greatest mysteries about humans is the differences between men and women. No, not the difference in body structure or biological abilities, but the deeper level of men and women. The mystery that leaves women complaining that they don’t understand men and men complaining that they don’t understand women, thus turning men into assholes and women into a bunch of crazies. Now, while I’m not suggesting that my theory on all of this answers exactly why men can be jerks and women can be nuts (because I think there are a whole lot of other factors involved in personalities and actions), I do think I have a fairly decent understanding of how men and women can come to a common ground- should they care to try.

I could probably write a book on this, and I know many have. But, I think there’s a simple way of putting all of this together. I’m going to put one thing out there that men will applaud me for saying and women will glare me down for. However, it’s a reality I am not afraid to admit and no woman should be ashamed of (mostly because to a certain extent, we can’t help it!) Women really do complicate things. There I said it. Women are complicated creatures filled with emotions, complex thoughts, an increase in roles within society (not complaining, just saying, we’re at a place in life where biology and society have met their matches and we ladies are just trying to figure out the balance… it’s still a good thing). When it comes down to it, women are more emotional, more hormonal and far more in touch with intellectual instincts. In my opinion, this is a great gift- as long as  you know how to use it properly.

On the other hand, you’ve got men. Men are simple. And, I don’t mean that in a bad way, just an honest way. Men are really simple creatures when it comes down to it. Sure, they have emotions and thoughts, all of which are just as important as a woman’s, but at the end of the day what works for men and what works for women are different, and what works for men is really not all that complicated.

Here’s my thoughts, most of which are based on experience or observation of others regarding just how simple and with a little work on ourselves, easy men can be to deal with (men, I’ll get to you in a minute). First of all, when someone said all men care about is sex, that wasn’t necessarily true, but it wasn’t necessarily false either. Let’s put it this way ladies- if a man thinks your cool, wants to get to know you, he will (so long as you’re keeping your complicatedness in check). But, if you don’t share all the great aspects of you with him before sharing your skills in the bedroom, odds are he’s probably not going to take the time to see those other great qualities in you. Doesn’t seem fair now does it? It’s not, but life’s not fair. But, one thing I have begun to learn is, it’s not necessarily a mans “fault”, I really just think that’s the way they’re wired. It’s like some sort of enzyme or gene they have and evolution just hasn’t rid them of it yet J

There’s another aspect to all of this as well. Men don’t like complicated. Sometimes they’ll put up with it, but only for so long. Think about it, no one who likes things simple, wants complication, and no one who likes complication feels comfortable when things are simple. Men are not fond of the mind reading game we play on them, you know what I’m talking about- the good old passive aggressive ways of, “Something’s wrong, so I’m going to be quiet and show that I’m mad, not tell you what it is, make you ask over and over, get mad because you aren’t just coming out with it, and then we have a whole different problem on our hands.” You know that game, ladies- we’ve almost all played it and almost all men have experienced it. Newsflash, men aren’t mind readers. Sure, some are smart, some are not, and you’re even more screwed if he’s not very intelligent, so buck up and talk to him. Breathe it out, take a yoga class, take a walk and then talk it out.

Okay, next complicated issue for the ladies, I forgot about the part where men don’t always like to talk. Now, I think if you’re in a healthy enough relationship and you’ve connected enough with a man, they will. However, bugging a dude over and over again to try to get an answer isn’t going to solve it either. Put your cards on the table, let him know what’s up, let him know you’d like to have a conversation about whatever it is that’s on your mind when he’s ready and give him some time. If he doesn’t come around, then be upfront that it’s important to you to discuss it and if still doesn’t, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate whatever situation you’re in.

Now, men- just because I’m making it sound like women need to do all the work because men are so, “simple”, don’t think you’re off the hook. If you like a chick, if you know you’ve got a solid girl on your hands, don’t make the mistake of letting her complicatedness cause you to run the other way. I like to think I’m a fairly cool, levelheaded chick, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t pestered a man in the past for answers when I didn’t understand a shift in behavior. That doesn’t mean I haven’t felt bitter towards men because of their actions. But, that also doesn’t mean I haven’t taken the time to check myself and figure out why these things have gone down. I also don’t think the couple of men this occurred with also ever took the time to walk a minute in my flip flops for a moment to think about where I may have been coming from. And, had either of us put ourselves in each others rubbah slippas- perhaps the initial connection felt by all would’ve blossomed (although, I’ll say I’m happier now that they didn’t).

Men, women and our complicatedness may be annoying, but at the end of the day it’s what makes us who we are. All that wiring we have going on isn’t really something we can change, just like you’re lack of complex wiring isn’t something you can change either (and I mean lack of on the emotional complexity level, don’t think I’m trying to hate). When a woman gives you the cold shoulder, sometimes all it takes is a simple, “I know you’re mad, and I want to figure out why, but I can’t read your mind, so please just be upfront with me, and I’m willing to talk about it.” But, you really gotta be willing, and ladies, if a guy does that you better take the opportunity while you can, because if you let your stubbornness or any attitude get in the way, all you’re going to do is cause him to never go down that route again.

So, what’s the moral of this message? Well, don’t give up the goods if a dude hasn’t figured out the package of goods that comes along with it. Ladies, understand that there’s no need to overanalyze, over question, over do anything, all it does is over complicate and we don’t need more of that in our little worlds. Men, just accept us for or complicatedness and realize, as annoying as it may be- it’s just because we care.

It's Okay To Be Single!

Recently, I was on a trip to Vegas with some friends and friends of friends. While sitting at a table in one of the fancy nightclubs, one of them (after a bit of liquid courage) pulled me aside and posed a question. He said, “I by no means want you to take this the wrong way, and it’s not some kind of pick up line, I’d honestly like to know, why is a girl like you single?” He proceeded to share with me the reasons it didn’t make sense to him, which were all very kind and flattering. So, I answered him with a bit of the tid bits I’m about to share with you.


First things first, like I said- the comments he shared were flattering and much appreciated and while I am a woman who knows my worth, who strives to be the best person I can be, I’m well aware of my faults and well aware that there may even be faults that I am still blind to. So, let’s just get that out of the way before we move on. Registered? Okay great…

As I took the flattery and shared my appreciation, I let him know a few things. First of all, the person he was standing there talking to and the person who is sitting here writing this has taken some time, energy and valiant effort to get to this place. Why? Well, because I’m one of those people who looks at the world around me, takes in those around me, decides who I do and don’t want to me, takes a look at myself and says, “No thanks, yes please, let’s see how I can make that happen”, towards the things in life I strive to be and not to be.

Second of all, although I know some people will look at the length of time I’ve spent dating versus the length of time since my last serious relationship and say, “Wow”, I look at it and say, “What’s wrong with that?” What’s wrong with taking the time to know what it is you truly want? What’s wrong with realizing what it is you deserve and not settling for less than that? What’s wrong with taking a look at yourself and figuring out who you want to be in a relationship? What’s wrong with ensuring that you’re living your life up to your standards and not letting the worry about being in a relationship get in the way of that? What’s wrong with being patient and letting those things come and take their course?

Did I always think this way? Eh, mostly. I would say the one thing that’s taken me time to realize is patience in the single life is essential. It’s great to know your worth, great to never settle for less than what you know you deserve and great to work towards being a good person for a potential significant other. However, patience is hands down the hardest part of all. Why is it so hard? Well, DUH we want these wonderful people to walk into our world immediately, because we know just how wonderful they will be! But, the one thing we can’t do, is try to make the ones that seem like they have the potential to be them, become that person. Because, if you ask me, the minute you do that is the minute you end up in heartbreaks, and repetitive dating cycles.

So, why am I single? Well, as I looked around the fancy Vegas nightclub and watched the men and women around me, interacting with each other in the oh so Vegas-esque ways, I simply said in more or less words- Until I meet the right fit for me and I’m the right fit for him, single will be the right fit for me.

Have You Ever?

Another oldie, but goodie written over the summer:

Have you ever…
-Stopped worrying about what others might think, say or do and did something because it mattered to you?

-Watched a sunset long enough to see the colors change and mold together with complete intrigue and fascination?

-Taken the time to talk to a stranger, a homeless person or someone less fortunate than you?

-Gone on a trip all by yourself and been completely content without the slightest feelings of lonliness?

-Loved someone with all your heart?

-Had the kind of best friends who know you better than anyone? The kind of friends who respect you, care for you, love you and cherish you as you do them? The kind of friends who people compliment you on because they are such wonderful people?

-Believed in something so much and worked for something so hard and put as much positive energy into something as humanly possible, that you actually achieved the goal you were reaching for?

-Had your heart broken, with the pieces all over the floor and still managed to pick them all back up and put them all back into place again?

-Learned to sincerely and unconditionally forgive someone for even the most unimaginable and hurtful of acts?

-Noticed the different smells that come with each changing season?

-Quieted the mind enough that you literally had no thoughts?

-Stopped to think about all the people in your life who have gone above and beyond for you from your childhood until now?

-Thought about your favorite teacher(s) or the teacher(s) who inspired you most or helped you most, and taken a moment to thank them… even if it was years later?

-Looked into the eyes of a child and felt like there was a wise soul looking back?

-Accepted rejection and moved on?

-Snuggled with someone you adore all night and all the next day and felt like you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else?

-Tried something that scared you and discovered A.) There’s a reason it scares you, or B.) Learned it’s not so bad after all?

-Avoided making any plans and letting things spontaneously happen only to discover that it was the most enjoyable time you’d had in a while?

-Learned to just let it go.

-Laid on a beach and let the sand stick to your skin, the wind blow through your hair and the sun radiate your skin and looked out onto the ocean without anything in sight for miles, and felt completely care free?

-Dealt with enough trials in life to make you strong, understanding, mature and aware?

-Listened to a song and felt like you could connect with every single lyric?

-Put others before yourself in a healthy manner?

-Realized what your faults are and embraced them, even if you know there’s still worked to be done?

-Overcome obstacles you never thought you could break through and maybe even had them return only to discover that it’s even easier the second time around?

-Looked back at a time when you wanted something so badly and it never happened and at that present moment were thankful it didn’t work out?

-Volunteered not because you earned something for it, but because you genuinely cared about the mission behind action?

-Laughed until your stomach hurt and looked around you to discover that the people who helped create that laughter are the kind of people you couldn’t imagine not knowing?

-Missed someone so much that your heart felt tight and your stomach felt knotted?

-Looked at yourself in the mirror, not because you wondered how you or something on you looked, but instead took a moment to see yourself in a way you’ve never taken the time to truly analyze and see?

-Changed your beliefs  because you actually stopped to think about what mattered and made sense to you, not simply what others have you told you is the way to believe?

-Just cried without holding back, even if it’s something you’re not accustomed to?

-Been truly passionate about something from day one and know it’ll be your biggest passion until the day your soul moves on?

-Decided that things like celebrities, lots of money, expensive/designer clothes, top of the line cars and phones and purses and whatever else our society tells us is so important, really doesn’t matter at all?

-Taken care of your body and felt like a different person a couple weeks later and from there on out?

- Smiled over a happy thought, a moment of nostalgia, or for no reason at all?

-Complimented a stranger or been complimented by a stranger and thought about how good both situations made you feel afterwards?

-Opened your heart, even if it took some work?

-Helped someone you didn’t know because you knew they needed it?

-Slept under the stars and thought about what a small part of the world you really are when you stop to take a look at the world and people around you, you realized that all the little things that overcome your thoughts or actions are really insignificant in such a huge universe?

-Seen the words, “This Too Shall Pass”, and known that it’s always true?

I have. And, because I have done and experienced these things, I am who I am today- stronger, wiser, more understanding, more mature and more aware; yet, with the realization that there’s far more things to experience and discover and all of them will only add to that person I am today, on the inside and out. Have you?