There’s no good way for someone to tell you that a loved one has passed away and these days it seems like they come in the most technological forms. When I received a text message three months ago that a very close college girlfriend had passed away, it felt as if the entire world around me, every part of the 5pm weeknight hustle and bustle all became paralyzed at the sight of the words, “Lindsey Passed Away This Morning.” As my stomach sunk and my throat became tight, my reality felt like a nightmare- only this time I was awake.
A few weeks ago, I received a similar note, this time in email form as I learned that one of my most favorite aunts had lost her very sudden battle with a disease no one knew she had, a battle that she suffered for only a month and only after 60+ years of living, thus leaving all of us who loved and continue to love her so dearly, completely stunned.
Since the passing of both of these phenomenal women, I have found myself in deep reflection. I think it’s normal when dealing with death to find yourself in a reflective state- there’s something about knowing a life/person you loved so much on Earth has come to an end that gets you wondering about a few things, but there’s something especially soul scorching about losing loved ones, both unexpectedly and too soon.
Ironically in all of this, living in 2011 has allowed me to look into the world of those who also share the same grief. Things like email, Facebook and grief websites have given me the opportunity to read the memories and love that many others also feel for these women, which leaves my heart both broken more and yet oddly relieved to know just how loved these people were and always will be.
As I’ve thought back on memories of these women, I’ve also gone through the normal, yet heart-wrenching thoughts about last conversations, wondering if they knew how much they meant to me and to everyone else in their lives here on Earth. I know they must know now, but it’s been a bit of a morbid reminder of how important it is to share with your loved ones just how much they mean to you. I even find myself humbly wondering, “Can they see Facebook wall posts? I really hope so!”
Knowing my friend Lindsey lost her life before she had the chance to experience things like marriage and children, and that my aunt lost her life just days before the celebration of 40 years of marriage to my uncle, and before having the chance to watch her grandchildren that she adored dearly grow up into adults really tears me up inside. Having to watch my uncle grieve and her children and grand children grieve, and having to imagine what Lindsey’s family must feel sends chills of sadness down my spine. But, in all of this sadness of losing people too early, it also keeps at the forefront, a few things.
These losses have shown me how deep the power of love really is. At the core of all of this loss is love. The love that everyone who mourns these deaths is what I have found to be the most inspiring part, no matter how painful the loss may feel. But, if you think about it, that’s what makes the pain so hurtful. The more love you have and feel, the harder the loss feels. But, what would our lives be like without the love? If you ask me, I’d rather have the deep love and deal with the sadness at some inevitable point, than the alternative.
There’s a song out there called, “If I Die Young”. It’s a very honest and real song and if you listen to the lyrics, it almost makes you wonder, “Why would someone write a song like this?” But, despite it’s shock factor, it reminds you that a short life lived really does hurt, just like the lyric says, “The sharp knife of a short life”. Luckily, there’s love that is stronger than any loss that can help heal the wound.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Comfort of Your Own Company
I’ve always thought Buddha was a wise guy. I have a book full of quotes that I love and a fair number of them come straight from the famous round bellied, wide-smiled zen master himself. But, there is one quote of his I read recently that has really been resonating with me, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.”
It’s been a belief of mine for quite some time now that in order to truly give the best of your love to others, you must first learn to love yourself. I know it’s a common thing you’ll read in any book that touches on the subject of happiness and I know that for me personally, this has been true. But, I also think that in addition to loving yourself (in the non-egotistical sense of the meaning, of course) you also have to learn to not only love yourself, but also be content being alone with yourself- which is in and of itself an entirely different can of worms.
When I lived in Seattle, there were plenty of times I found solace in the stillness of, “me” time. I found myself having no trouble taking long walks alone, sitting in a coffee shop alone, eating lunch alone, going to a movie alone- you name it, I was content. But, even then, I was in a place that was home. A place where even if I was alone, I almost always found myself comforted by the run-in of a familiar face or simply the comfort of familiarity.
When I was preparing to move to San Francisco, I knew there would be plenty of times when I had to prepare myself for venturing out on my own. Hell, the move itself was one I did solo (aside from a dear friend in the passenger seat on the drive down), my entire move was done with very little aid and very little assurance of what was to come outside of the job I had waiting for me- I just did it all on the belief that whatever was meant to happen for me, would all work out, and it has- perfectly, in fact.
That being said, it was the past few weeks that really brought back to the forefront of my mind just how important it is to not only love who you are, but also be comfortable being alone with yourself. Over the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to do everything from spend a week in the beautiful North Bay, nestled inside a comfy home on the water all by myself, to taking a work trip to New York where I was going for the first time and knew very little people, to coming back to San Francisco only to find myself longing for something that I didn’t have and reaffirming to myself what a blessing everything within my life has been.
Between the nights spent in the North Bay sipping my favorite wine while immersing myself in a documentary, or jumping on my hotel bed in excitement over being a 26 year old single girl living what felt like a Sex and the City episode for two days or making the choice to eat at a nice restaurant on a Sunday night, all alone back home in San Francisco- it all had one common theme: unconditional happiness and contentment.
Would I have enjoyed doing those things with the company of a good friend or a significant other? Sure! Who doesn’t enjoy sharing an experience with someone special? But, there is something so utterly empowering and rewarding about knowing that you can have your own kind of fun without the need of someone else being there.
While I’m by no means suggesting we should all forego human interaction and do everything alone, as I still prefer to engage in fun activities with friends and still hope to find that right person to share life moments with- one thing I can say for sure, whenever that person does come around, he won’t be meeting a person who needs completing, he’ll be meeting a person who has plenty to share.
It’s been a belief of mine for quite some time now that in order to truly give the best of your love to others, you must first learn to love yourself. I know it’s a common thing you’ll read in any book that touches on the subject of happiness and I know that for me personally, this has been true. But, I also think that in addition to loving yourself (in the non-egotistical sense of the meaning, of course) you also have to learn to not only love yourself, but also be content being alone with yourself- which is in and of itself an entirely different can of worms.
When I lived in Seattle, there were plenty of times I found solace in the stillness of, “me” time. I found myself having no trouble taking long walks alone, sitting in a coffee shop alone, eating lunch alone, going to a movie alone- you name it, I was content. But, even then, I was in a place that was home. A place where even if I was alone, I almost always found myself comforted by the run-in of a familiar face or simply the comfort of familiarity.
When I was preparing to move to San Francisco, I knew there would be plenty of times when I had to prepare myself for venturing out on my own. Hell, the move itself was one I did solo (aside from a dear friend in the passenger seat on the drive down), my entire move was done with very little aid and very little assurance of what was to come outside of the job I had waiting for me- I just did it all on the belief that whatever was meant to happen for me, would all work out, and it has- perfectly, in fact.
That being said, it was the past few weeks that really brought back to the forefront of my mind just how important it is to not only love who you are, but also be comfortable being alone with yourself. Over the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to do everything from spend a week in the beautiful North Bay, nestled inside a comfy home on the water all by myself, to taking a work trip to New York where I was going for the first time and knew very little people, to coming back to San Francisco only to find myself longing for something that I didn’t have and reaffirming to myself what a blessing everything within my life has been.
Between the nights spent in the North Bay sipping my favorite wine while immersing myself in a documentary, or jumping on my hotel bed in excitement over being a 26 year old single girl living what felt like a Sex and the City episode for two days or making the choice to eat at a nice restaurant on a Sunday night, all alone back home in San Francisco- it all had one common theme: unconditional happiness and contentment.
Would I have enjoyed doing those things with the company of a good friend or a significant other? Sure! Who doesn’t enjoy sharing an experience with someone special? But, there is something so utterly empowering and rewarding about knowing that you can have your own kind of fun without the need of someone else being there.
While I’m by no means suggesting we should all forego human interaction and do everything alone, as I still prefer to engage in fun activities with friends and still hope to find that right person to share life moments with- one thing I can say for sure, whenever that person does come around, he won’t be meeting a person who needs completing, he’ll be meeting a person who has plenty to share.
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