I’ve always thought Buddha was a wise guy. I have a book full of quotes that I love and a fair number of them come straight from the famous round bellied, wide-smiled zen master himself. But, there is one quote of his I read recently that has really been resonating with me, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.”
It’s been a belief of mine for quite some time now that in order to truly give the best of your love to others, you must first learn to love yourself. I know it’s a common thing you’ll read in any book that touches on the subject of happiness and I know that for me personally, this has been true. But, I also think that in addition to loving yourself (in the non-egotistical sense of the meaning, of course) you also have to learn to not only love yourself, but also be content being alone with yourself- which is in and of itself an entirely different can of worms.
When I lived in Seattle, there were plenty of times I found solace in the stillness of, “me” time. I found myself having no trouble taking long walks alone, sitting in a coffee shop alone, eating lunch alone, going to a movie alone- you name it, I was content. But, even then, I was in a place that was home. A place where even if I was alone, I almost always found myself comforted by the run-in of a familiar face or simply the comfort of familiarity.
When I was preparing to move to San Francisco, I knew there would be plenty of times when I had to prepare myself for venturing out on my own. Hell, the move itself was one I did solo (aside from a dear friend in the passenger seat on the drive down), my entire move was done with very little aid and very little assurance of what was to come outside of the job I had waiting for me- I just did it all on the belief that whatever was meant to happen for me, would all work out, and it has- perfectly, in fact.
That being said, it was the past few weeks that really brought back to the forefront of my mind just how important it is to not only love who you are, but also be comfortable being alone with yourself. Over the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to do everything from spend a week in the beautiful North Bay, nestled inside a comfy home on the water all by myself, to taking a work trip to New York where I was going for the first time and knew very little people, to coming back to San Francisco only to find myself longing for something that I didn’t have and reaffirming to myself what a blessing everything within my life has been.
Between the nights spent in the North Bay sipping my favorite wine while immersing myself in a documentary, or jumping on my hotel bed in excitement over being a 26 year old single girl living what felt like a Sex and the City episode for two days or making the choice to eat at a nice restaurant on a Sunday night, all alone back home in San Francisco- it all had one common theme: unconditional happiness and contentment.
Would I have enjoyed doing those things with the company of a good friend or a significant other? Sure! Who doesn’t enjoy sharing an experience with someone special? But, there is something so utterly empowering and rewarding about knowing that you can have your own kind of fun without the need of someone else being there.
While I’m by no means suggesting we should all forego human interaction and do everything alone, as I still prefer to engage in fun activities with friends and still hope to find that right person to share life moments with- one thing I can say for sure, whenever that person does come around, he won’t be meeting a person who needs completing, he’ll be meeting a person who has plenty to share.
Wonderful thoughts.
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