I think many would agree with me that one of the greatest mysteries about humans is the differences between men and women. No, not the difference in body structure or biological abilities, but the deeper level of men and women. The mystery that leaves women complaining that they don’t understand men and men complaining that they don’t understand women, thus turning men into assholes and women into a bunch of crazies. Now, while I’m not suggesting that my theory on all of this answers exactly why men can be jerks and women can be nuts (because I think there are a whole lot of other factors involved in personalities and actions), I do think I have a fairly decent understanding of how men and women can come to a common ground- should they care to try.
I could probably write a book on this, and I know many have. But, I think there’s a simple way of putting all of this together. I’m going to put one thing out there that men will applaud me for saying and women will glare me down for. However, it’s a reality I am not afraid to admit and no woman should be ashamed of (mostly because to a certain extent, we can’t help it!) Women really do complicate things. There I said it. Women are complicated creatures filled with emotions, complex thoughts, an increase in roles within society (not complaining, just saying, we’re at a place in life where biology and society have met their matches and we ladies are just trying to figure out the balance… it’s still a good thing). When it comes down to it, women are more emotional, more hormonal and far more in touch with intellectual instincts. In my opinion, this is a great gift- as long as you know how to use it properly.
On the other hand, you’ve got men. Men are simple. And, I don’t mean that in a bad way, just an honest way. Men are really simple creatures when it comes down to it. Sure, they have emotions and thoughts, all of which are just as important as a woman’s, but at the end of the day what works for men and what works for women are different, and what works for men is really not all that complicated.
Here’s my thoughts, most of which are based on experience or observation of others regarding just how simple and with a little work on ourselves, easy men can be to deal with (men, I’ll get to you in a minute). First of all, when someone said all men care about is sex, that wasn’t necessarily true, but it wasn’t necessarily false either. Let’s put it this way ladies- if a man thinks your cool, wants to get to know you, he will (so long as you’re keeping your complicatedness in check). But, if you don’t share all the great aspects of you with him before sharing your skills in the bedroom, odds are he’s probably not going to take the time to see those other great qualities in you. Doesn’t seem fair now does it? It’s not, but life’s not fair. But, one thing I have begun to learn is, it’s not necessarily a mans “fault”, I really just think that’s the way they’re wired. It’s like some sort of enzyme or gene they have and evolution just hasn’t rid them of it yet J
There’s another aspect to all of this as well. Men don’t like complicated. Sometimes they’ll put up with it, but only for so long. Think about it, no one who likes things simple, wants complication, and no one who likes complication feels comfortable when things are simple. Men are not fond of the mind reading game we play on them, you know what I’m talking about- the good old passive aggressive ways of, “Something’s wrong, so I’m going to be quiet and show that I’m mad, not tell you what it is, make you ask over and over, get mad because you aren’t just coming out with it, and then we have a whole different problem on our hands.” You know that game, ladies- we’ve almost all played it and almost all men have experienced it. Newsflash, men aren’t mind readers. Sure, some are smart, some are not, and you’re even more screwed if he’s not very intelligent, so buck up and talk to him. Breathe it out, take a yoga class, take a walk and then talk it out.
Okay, next complicated issue for the ladies, I forgot about the part where men don’t always like to talk. Now, I think if you’re in a healthy enough relationship and you’ve connected enough with a man, they will. However, bugging a dude over and over again to try to get an answer isn’t going to solve it either. Put your cards on the table, let him know what’s up, let him know you’d like to have a conversation about whatever it is that’s on your mind when he’s ready and give him some time. If he doesn’t come around, then be upfront that it’s important to you to discuss it and if still doesn’t, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate whatever situation you’re in.
Now, men- just because I’m making it sound like women need to do all the work because men are so, “simple”, don’t think you’re off the hook. If you like a chick, if you know you’ve got a solid girl on your hands, don’t make the mistake of letting her complicatedness cause you to run the other way. I like to think I’m a fairly cool, levelheaded chick, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t pestered a man in the past for answers when I didn’t understand a shift in behavior. That doesn’t mean I haven’t felt bitter towards men because of their actions. But, that also doesn’t mean I haven’t taken the time to check myself and figure out why these things have gone down. I also don’t think the couple of men this occurred with also ever took the time to walk a minute in my flip flops for a moment to think about where I may have been coming from. And, had either of us put ourselves in each others rubbah slippas- perhaps the initial connection felt by all would’ve blossomed (although, I’ll say I’m happier now that they didn’t).
Men, women and our complicatedness may be annoying, but at the end of the day it’s what makes us who we are. All that wiring we have going on isn’t really something we can change, just like you’re lack of complex wiring isn’t something you can change either (and I mean lack of on the emotional complexity level, don’t think I’m trying to hate). When a woman gives you the cold shoulder, sometimes all it takes is a simple, “I know you’re mad, and I want to figure out why, but I can’t read your mind, so please just be upfront with me, and I’m willing to talk about it.” But, you really gotta be willing, and ladies, if a guy does that you better take the opportunity while you can, because if you let your stubbornness or any attitude get in the way, all you’re going to do is cause him to never go down that route again.
So, what’s the moral of this message? Well, don’t give up the goods if a dude hasn’t figured out the package of goods that comes along with it. Ladies, understand that there’s no need to overanalyze, over question, over do anything, all it does is over complicate and we don’t need more of that in our little worlds. Men, just accept us for or complicatedness and realize, as annoying as it may be- it’s just because we care.
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